I had a very unusual dream about Kacie last night. Although she was not in it. In the dream it was a couple months after Kacie had passed... like now... I was going back to her old apartment to see if there was anything she had left behind. However, this apartment I was going to never existed in real life. It was a three level apartment ... very large, practically a house. All of her friends only thought she had a two level apartment. The first two levels were a typical apartment, The first level was a unfinished basement. The second was where Kacie had lived.... however there was a secret third floor that she never told anyone about. I went to the third floor and it was a huge absolutely stunning loft apartment with never ending high ceilings and beautiful rich hardwood floors. It was completely empty except for a painting in the corner. I was in shock as to why Kacie had not made her living quarters up here or shown anyone. The painting in the corner was square. it did not looked finished. It was a brightly colored outline of kacies face crying. Just the outline though and the outline was all different bright colors switching from yellow to red to pink etc. It almost looked like a clown.... but sad. It was a painting Kacie had made.
Then at some point later I was taking a bath in a clawfoot tub in her basement (I dont know why) I was really scared and kept getting spooked by some spirit or ghost. At one point I got so scared that somehow the tub knocked over and all the water spilled everywhere. I turned around and saw a little girl looking through the window and then she immediately ran away.
That is all I really remember...
There are a couple things that this dream makes me think about symbolically. The whole beautiful apartment upstairs with the sad painting that Kacie never showed anyone I think was about how Kacie hid a lot of her feelings from people. No matter how sad she was about something it was extremely rare she ever let anyone know it or let alone see her cry. She always made things out as a joke to make some light of it.... but deep down she was hurting a lot. You could read about some of those feelings in her writing but in person she was very outgoing, always joking around, trying to make others laugh... she was the life of the party.
This also reminded me of the paintings Kacie made a long time ago... when she was maybe 18 or 19 years old. They were all silhouettes of trees and roots. She had one that I think she gave to Jeff? Maybe. She had one hanging in her first apartment she got with Shannon when she first moved back to Maryland... I think. I don't know what happened to these paintings... there were a few of them. Does anyone know?
I have no idea what the part about being in the bath tub in the basement was about... I do know that Kacie always took "tubbys" (baths) ... she was not a huge shower person. She was always scared of ghosts in basements exspecially Mimi's basement. And as Gary has told me she always spilled her drinks as a little girl... maybe I am stretching things out here... I dont know.
The photo above was a picture Kacie made on playing around on photoshop of herself. This is similar to how the painting looked in my dream only it was a different picture of her.
4 comments:
Natalie, thats a great picture, thanks for showing us. Not sure about the other pictures youre talking about, but we still have a lot of her things at Mimi's house and will check when we go. I remember too how scared she was of Mimi's basement, but cannot remember why. Do you know, or maybe Mimi knows. She did not like sleeping down there even recently. Also, I know what you mean about her hiding her feelings alot, but then sometimes she would open up and tell you everything.
I miss her so much. Nancy
A very interesting dream. The basement or foundation of her life was full of fear. The secret room represented the emptiness and pain in her life. We know Kacie better now than when she was alive. Kacie never empressed her feelings or concerns about anything to me, not even when she was a little girl
A very interesting dream. The basement or foundation of her life was full of fear. The secret room represented the emptiness and pain in her life. We know Kacie better now than when she was alive. Kacie never empressed her feelings or concerns about anything to me, not even when she was a little girl
Natalie, you had mentioned the painting of a tree that Kacie had given to me. I actually found that when I went back to Charleston late last year. It was pretty emotional finding that tree. It was buried under numerous things on my grandmothers porch outside. It was in bad shape but I was able to clean it. the frame that the canvas is nailed to is warped though and I was hoping to eventually get it reframed somehow. That means so much to me that she put the time into painting me that and it tells me that I was someone important in her life.
As far as her holding in her feelings, she would definitely do that because I don't think she believed people would genuinely understand. I think she would do this for too long and then it would all just come out at once. She called me a few times over the years and she would be crying and she would just need someone to listen. It makes me feel good to know that she looked to me to console her even if it was only a few times.
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