The Lake

Another sad dream.

I dreamed that I was walking around a beautiful lake. The water was very blue and it was a sunny day. I was feeling very happy until the realization hit me that Kacie would not be able to enjoy what I was experiencing. I felt guilty for having such happy thoughts and woke up.

ocean city trip

This weekend  Larissa, Amanda and I are all meeting up to go to Ocean City together. We will be staying at the Dunes Motel. Not the Dunes Manor but they are owned by the same people. The Dunes Manor was little too expensive for us. But I still plan on going over to the Dunes Manor and stealing some tea and crumpets. We also plan on going to all the spots Kacie's ashes were spread, dough rollers, taking an old time saloon photo, relaxing on the beach, seashell city, the karaoke bar and the arcades. My birthday is very soon on August 6th and I really wanted to be able to somehow spend some time with Kacie for it. Wish you all could be there with us. 

My second dream of Kacie

I had a brief dream of Kacie this morning right before I woke up. She must have been about 10 or 11 years old, and I saw her for the first time.

Usually every summer, she would go to camp for a week or so, and we were looking around for a camp she might like to try.

Then we ended up at the dentist office waiting for Gary to finish his appointment. The receptionist said something and Kacie answered and I could see Kacie smiling. I don't remember what she said, something funny, Im sure.

Then, we ended up at a baseball game, something that we really never did together.

Then, Gary called me to wake up, that it was getting late, so thats when my dream ended.

television

Kacie always could only sleep with the television on. She said she needed some kind of noise to go to sleep. Personally, I hated sleeping with the tv on. I always would wake up to some creepy infomercial at 3am if I did that. Kacie had quite a few favorite shows... Can you think of any moments you had with the telly and Kacie?

Kacie loved the Andy Griffith show. When she first moved back from Texas she some Andy Griffith DVDs. She stayed with me for a little bit before she got her own place. She watched Andy Griffith every night falling asleep on my couch. I didn't have any cable.

Kacie also loved the food network. She had a lot of shows on there she liked. She use to talk about maybe going back to school for food marketing. She really dreamed of writing for a food/ health magazine or show. 

When Kacie first moved up to Maryland, her and I were obsessed with the reality tv show "Joe Millionaire" We watched it together every week. The show was quite trashy and ridiculous. Which equaled hillarious to us. This was at her apartment in Chatham Gardens. She didnt have cable so we had used almost a whole thing of tin foil on the season finale night trying to get a good picture in.

The Phone Call

Here's another sad dream that I had early this morning.

I was walking through a room and had no idea where I was. I noticed a small table with an old fashioned phone sitting on it. When I walked over to it, I noticed that the phone was off of the receiver so I picked it up and listened. I could hear someone crying. I immediately recognized it to be Jeff and I woke up.

book club blog created

Hi All,

I have created the separate book club blog. I sent you all invites to be authors and everyone else is welcome to comment and follow along or if you would like to be an author let me know. The blog address is :

www.kaciesbookclub.blogspot.com

enjoy!

Book Club

For the last year Kacie was with us, Her and I had talked about creating a book club together. She also at one time had sent out a blog to all of her friends trying to get them involved. Kacie wrote this last summer. The invite read as follows : 

"I am trying to get together a book/ writing forum by the end of July. The group will meet once a week at my new Baltimore crib or anywhere you see better fit. If you are interested, please let me know what days and times you would be available. Grammar Nazis and pretentious literary assholes are encouraged to attend. Serious Inquires only please, no candy reads will be considered."

A book that Kacie and I wanted to read together was "Bluebeard" by Kurt Vonnegut. We never got around to reading it together. I recently bought it and am almost finished. It is a great book. It was Kacie's pick. She always knew all the good books. I thought it might be cool to start a seperate blog/ book club so that anyone in any location can read together and discuss via the internet. We could have deadlines to read a chapter by a certain time. 

Kacie and I also discussed reading "Letters to Theo" A book about Vincent Van Gogh. She also  already read "Lust for Life" another book about Vincent Van Gogh that Vince lent to her.

I thought it also would be good for all interested to read all of Kacie's favorite books. I know shortly before she passed away she was reading " A heartbreaking work of a staggering genius" by Dave Eggers

Kacie's Favorites/ Books to read in book club:

1. More Die of Heartbreak by Saul Bellow

2. A heartbreaking work of a staggering genius by Dave Eggers

3. Ravelstein by Saul Bellow (his final novel)

4. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand (written in 1943)

5. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

6. A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

7. The world according to Garp by John Irving

8. Great Expectations

9. The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

10. Illywhacker by Peter Carey

11. How we are hungry by Dave Eggers

12. The Courts of Love: The story of Elenor of Aquitaine by Jean Plaidy

13. The Adventures of Augie March by Saul Bellow

If anyone knows of any others please comment with them. Also if you would want to do this let me know and I will create a second blog for all of us. 

Kacie In Black

I had this dream last night.

Myself and several people were standing around Kacie's car early one morning. We knew that she would come to the car because it was a weekday and she had to go to work or school. When I saw her walking to the car, I yelled "here comes my daughter." Kace was dressed in black slacks with a black top. Her hair was cut rather short and apparently she had just gotten out of the shower because her hair was wet. Her face was expressionless as she got into the car. We all called her name but she simply looked straight ahead and never glanced our way. I watched her drive away and continued to call her but she never looked back.

Mimi Has Another One

Mimi told me about this dream that she had last night. It's very brief but I promised her that I would pass it on.

Mimi walked into a room and saw Kacie standing there. She couldn't remember how she was dressed but Kacie was an adult. Mimi said "oh my god, it's my Kacie" and gave her a big hug. Kacie disappeared as soon as Mimi hugged her.

a new dream...

I had a dream with Kacie last night again finally. It has been a while since I had one, that I remember atleast. 

In the dream I was given a chance to go back to the last time I hung out with Kacie before she passed away. In the dream I knew that she had passed away but she did not. The place where we were where we "last hung out" was totally fictional. 

Anyway, Kacie and I were at some party together. It was summer. Kacie looked great. Her hair was mid length, a little bit past her shoulders and dark brown. She was wearing light jeans and some shirt I have never seen in her wardrobe before. I asked her if she wanted to take some photos of us together. I had my camera and had been snapping photos of other people that were at the party. However, everyone else who was there was a blur and I didn't really know them. There was this weird bed of grass that we decided to sit on and pose for the photos. I gave my camera to someone else to take the pictures of us at the party. As we were having our photos taken, I had my arms around Kacie and I was smiling but then I got really upset. Kacie was acting silliy in the pictures. She kept trying to hide herself behind me . She use to do this in some photos when she didn't want to have her picture taken. She would hide behind a glass over her face or soemthing. As they were taking pictures I said to her "I dont want you to leave. Please. I really am going to miss you. Please come visit me again." Kacie just said "Ok."  Like I said she didn't know the future and I did. She just looked at me like I was kind of crazy or something. 

There was another point in the dream where Kacie was talking about make-up. She made a joke that I was not a professional make-up artist or something. It didn't really make any sense. At that point I remember my boyfriend, Kresimir was there too. I also remember a reference of a brown colored lipstick. I remember one of Kacie's favorite lipsticks from a long time ago was "coffee bean" by Origins. She wore this probably when she was 19 or 20. 

From Grandma

Kacie's grandma asked me to post this for her. Kacie was lucky enough to have spent a lot of time with her Grandma while growing up. Grandma and Mimi lived right down the street from each other on Chanceford Road and became very good friends.

From Grandma,

She was the apple of my eye,
She was a joy to be with,
She was so smart and creative,
I loved her dearly.

We went shopping from the time she was a baby. It was always,
"Just a little something Grandma", "Just a little something."
Of course, she always got a little something. Usually a doll. She loved dolls.
I have so many wonderful memories of my Kacie.

These memories will keep me happy while I'm so sad . I'm so grateful that we had so many wonderful times while she was growing up. They are in my daytime dreams and nighttime dreams.

Love Grandma

The Snow Rope

Here's another strange dream that I had last night.

We were living at our house in Woodbine, Md. and there was a terrible snow storm. The snow was very deep and I dragged a rope down the hill in front of our house to the road so that we could pull ourselves up the hill and through the snow by means of the rope. Kacie was very young and she was behind me as we pulled ourselves up the hill to our house. We didn't speak and when we arrived at the top of the hill, there was a group of strangers standing there. They were laughing and I was very mad at them for using our rope.

Excercise/ Diet Memories

Kacie was always on some sort of new excercise or diet and was very good at having a lot of her friends join her. She always was reading "Womans World" or "Ladies Home Journal" I always made fun of her for this.We always laughed together at the covers of these magazines because it always was the same crazy looking woman on the front cover with like a big cupcake or something but then its all about dieting. But she loved reading the diet tips in there and they had some good recipes I think.

 

What dieting/ excercising memories do you have with Kacie?

Shopping Memory

We all heard Gary's memory of Kacie's teen shoplifting experience. Can you think of other memories you have of shopping with Kacie? 

baby seal

Does anyone else remember the noise Kacie's first Corolla use to make? It was a very strange noise. We use to call the noise a "baby seal" that lived under the car.

about "Hospital"

On May 27th Natalie posted a blog by this title, with a black and white photograph of some foliage. I saw this blog for the first time this week and knew I could provide an answer to it. The photograph was taken at Henryton Hospital right outside of Sykesville. I know this because I was there when my friend Shimpei took this photograph. That is where I have primarily photographed for the last two years (that is when I actually do some work) and my friend was in town and wanted to see the hospital and take some photographs. It was November and it was quite cold. We actually left because the cold was giving me a headache. After he posted his photograph on MySpace Kacie saw it and told me she really liked it. I guess she really did since she imported it to her computer. For some time Kacie had asked me to take her to the hopital so she could see it for herself. I finally did take her there in early February. It was cold out that day too. I remember I told her she should bundle up because once you get inside the buildings it's even colder. The buildings are like tombs. Most of the rooms never see but a few minutes of direct sun, and whatever the temperature is outside it is always colder once you get inside. Kacie didn't take my advice and she was cold so we didn't stay for too long. I remember when we were walking around she told my I was crazy for going in the Hospital by myself. I'm really glad that I took her there when I did so she at least had the opportunity to see the Hospital for herself. She even took a photographs of her own with her cellphone camera :)

Memory of Kacie

Kacie, We love and miss you more than you will ever know. Love Mom and Dad.

The Jellyfish Tree

I've had some strange dreams lately but this one is the strangest.

In my dream, Kacie, as a little girl, and I were taking a walk in the woods. We didn't speak to one another but we came upon a tree that caught our attention. It was a fairly tall tree and had what appeared to be a huge jellyfish spread over the top of it, forming a sort of canopy. I told Kacie that I wanted some scientists to see it and then she disappreared. The scientists came and were speechless.

scents of kacie

There are certain scents that I associate with Kacie:

1. "A Perfect World" lotion by Origins. - she always wore this for years

2. "Lovely" perfume by Sarah Jessica Parker - this was the latest perfume I remember Kacie wearing... although some of her Nordstrom buds might know some other ones she liked. She always liked to spray herself with my perfume whenever she came over my house she really sprayed it all over. I wear "Flowerbomb" by Victor and Rolf... she liked this one a lot too. 

3. The smell of Chanel Blush. Kacie went through a phase where she and I were obsessed with Chanel makeup. She bought all this makeup for her wedding. She loved the smell of the blush it smelled like roses.

Any others?

When I first met Kacie...

I first met Kacie at some point in the 5th grade. I had transfered to Lisbon Elementary. I had moved from Gaithersburg, MD. I remember Kacie was in Mrs. Portalea's class and I was in Mrs. Howard's. I always remember Kacie being a funny girl. She always had a joke. That never changed. The thing I remember most vividly about Kacie in 5th grade was how good she was at gymnastics. I remember at recess Kacie would be able to run down the soccer field and do round off back handsprings and backflips. Everyone was amazed by her talent. There was another girl in our grade, Megan Miller who also was a gymnast. She also lived in the same neighborhood as Kacie. The two of them would sometimes have "tumbling battles" down the soccer field. It always got everyone so hyped up. I had started taking gymnastics when I was 8 years old and did until I was about 11 I think. I was nowhere nearly as good as Kacie was but I looked up to her at the time. In 5th grade I put in the yearbook "when I grow up I wan to be a gymnast." I remember always thinking Kacie could have been in the Olympics. Kacie and I were friends throughout 5th grade and middle school. We didn't get closer until high school.  Our friendship was the strongest in our young adult/ college years. 

Orangish Reddish Brown Notebook

Among Kacie's many books, diaries, notebooks, etc. I found a little notebook that measures 4 inches by six inches and has an orangish reddish brown suede cover. On the inside cover there's a message from Janine Caforo wishing her success in the future. Apparently she gave this to Kacie at her high school graduation. Interestingly, there is nothing written on its many pages but in the center of the book there are five pages with pencil sketches. The first two pages have sketches of small birds, the third page is a young girl wearing an Old Navy shirt, the fourth page is an excellent sketch of what appears to be a young boy in a seated postion, and the last page is an amazing sketch of Kacie with her name next to the drawing. Kacie did not have the talent to do these drawings. Does anyone know who the artist is? Natalie, my guess is that it was you.

4th of July

Just thought I'd share a short memory about a 4th of July I spent with Kacie. When we were living in Columbia, we decided to go check out the festivities down at Lakefront. We considered walking down there from our townhouse, because we expected parking to be horrible, but we decided it was too far and drove. I think we ended up parking somewhere in the mall, but I can't really remember. 

Anyhoo, long story short, Lakefront was complete chaos! there were sooooo many people there that we decided to just go back home and see if we could find a good view of the fireworks from our house. Vince was with us, and when we got home, we convinced him to see how easy it was to climb onto the roof, so that we could sit up there and watch. I wish I could remember the specifics of that endeavor...but all I remember is, it didnt work. I think he may have actually gotten up there, but it was clear Kacie and I were not going to be able to do it. 

I only remember bits and pieces of that day, like so many days I spent with her, but as always, the memories I have are great.

a small visit from kacie today

I had a great experience today and I think it was Kacie letting me know she was around me somehow. This morning on my way to work I was craving an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts. I shared the love of their iced coffee with Kacie. It is very addictive! Anyway... I stopped at the dunkin donuts and there was a big line at the drive thru so i decided to go in. I pulled up and parked next to a black car. As I was about to get out of the driver's side door. I looked at the car next to me and it had a big sticker of a pug right on the side of the car looking back at me. I smiled and thought of Gus. But then it didnt end there. I went inside the Dunkin Donuts and they were playing a Radiohead song in the Dunkin Donuts on the loudspeaker... which really made me smile. Radiohead is not really wholesome mainstream music that I would have ever expected to hear playing in a Dunkin' Donuts. Anyways... I found that kind of amazing and I really think it was Kacie just saying "Hi."

Welcome Back Jeff

We have all enjoyed hearing about Jeff's adventures on Pee Pee Island and look forward to seeing him soon on Pooh Pooh Island (Hilton Head). When we work out the logistics with Jeff, we will plan our trip to Baltimore and contact Kacie's friends up north for a reunion.

Hopefully, we can plan a trip to Ocean City.

I first met Kacie...

I thought this picture was appropriate since it was probably the first one I ever took of Kacie.

This isn't a very interesting story, but it still makes me happy.
We first met in Mr Hollman's ceramics class right after she moved from Maryland and didn't know anyone on Hilton Head. I remember sitting next to her because I thought she dressed really cool. I was totally fascinated by Kacie's long beautiful hair (little did I know it would later become my job to use two boxes of L'oreal Feria Chocolate Cherry on all that hair every few months)
We sat next to each other in class, but didn't talk until our first we had to make a paper mache project. Mr Hollman gave each table a big pile of newspapers to tear up and dunk in glue to form our project. Everyone knows Kacie could never touch the newspaper, so she asked me too. So, I'm pretty grateful for her odd newspaperphobia because we were instant friends from that day on.

Another funny thing about that class was Kacie at the pottery wheel. You could not possibly imagine the mess. Both of us would end up with clay in our hair and on our face, just from her wheel. Thank God it was our last class of the day.

Reflections

As I reflect back on Kacie's life and read the many comments and memories that everyone has shared, I realize how many close friendships she made throughout her short life time and how important her friends were to her. I think being an only child, her friendships meant so much to her.

If you would like to tell us any stories about how you met and became friends we would love to hear. It would be great to see any favorite pictures you might have of the two of you together. I remember Larissa telling us about how she met Kacie when she first started working at Roots Health food.

Here are a few favorite quotes of Kacie's that she wrote down in a book she called "Book of Quotes." I am not sure when she started this book......

"What makes life worth living? To be born with the gift of laughter and sense that the world is mad."

"Friends are God's way of apologizing for our families."

"A true friend walks in when the world walks out."