Sunday, September 28, 2008

Many, many Kacie pics

Today I talked to Gary on the phone and I talked about posting the treasure trove of Kacie pictures I had on my old computer. I have been reluctant to look at them because I knew it would be difficult. After I talked to Gary, I had some motivation to look through my old computer and find a whole bunch of pictures of Kacie. I also have some underwater photos of the Cayman Islands. Here is the link to all the pictures http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=izp4f6o.2gang5hs&x=0&y=-jzjm7t&localeid=en_US

Here are a few of my favorites......hope you enjoy them....













...and here is the video Gary requested....

Tea and the asian mart

inside of produce department at Han Ah Reum Asian mart on Rolling Road.




I saw Nancy asked about Teas Kacie liked.  I remember her loving the english brekfast tea but I don't remember the brand. I do however remember other teas she liked.

For the wedding favors she bought loose tea from Teavana. We made the teabags and tags on them ourselves. Larissa helped with this too. The tea she bought was called "Rooibos Sweet Amore" She liked the tea because of the name and also because it had rose petals in the tea. You can still buy the tea at teavana locations and you can also order it online on the teavana website at www.teavana.com
It also is reallllly good tea.

Kacie also loved Jasmine tea. In particular she would always buy some from the Asian Mart by Mimi's house. I was at the asian mart about a week ago and bought some. It is called YamaMotoYama Jasmine Tea. It sometimes is written in asian carictures. but always has the same package design.

While I was at the Asian Mart I also picked up some other favorite things of Kacies. She loved the house packaged Spicy tofu from there. She also introduced me to Shirataki noodles. They are noodles made out of tofu. They taste like noodles though. It was amazing to her because it was a low carb way to eat as much pasta as she wanted.

She also had another diet Tea that she she liked to drink. She called it "Ballerina tea" It can only be bought at the asian mart. Basically it is a dietary tea that just makes your body completely detox and burn fat. But the secret is.... it makes you poop... ALOT! and its really gross... I am sure some of you may have heard stories about it from Kacie. She was never shy with that. I remember when she was working at Nordstrom she had all the girls there sold on the idea of this tea and they were all going to the asian mart to buy it for their diet. It was hysterical. Kacie was always so persuasive. 

We also had a long running joke that everytime you would go to the asian mart you would almost get into an accident in your car atleast 3x before you even got into the store... and getting out was just as scary. There were always sooooo many people in the parking lot it was a nuthouse. The inside of the store is also just as cramped. Never the less it was all worth it for the tea and tofu. :)

Kacie dream

I had a dream about kacie last night. We were at the hospital and I think she had a baby. There were family and friends there I am not really sure who's baby it was but I think I remember her Grandfather Meadows visiting the hospital. I remember Kacie and I briefly talking about straightening our lives out and trying to get back together. I had that feeling during my dreams that someone else had died and Kacie was still okay. I have had this feeling before where I knew I had to do something to save her because someone else besides her had past away. Then I wake up and realize that she is gone.

Monday, September 22, 2008

recent photos Royal and Margo



While these are not the best photos thought i would share them anyway. These are a few photos i took recently at Vince's apartment of Royal and Margo together. Margo is the more difficult one. But Vince has said although they sometimes run around fighting and playing at times he has caught Margo giving a bath to Royal. 

Two Dreams

Last night I had the following two dreams.

In the first one, Kacie and I were sitting in a doctor's waiting room. We didn't speak and the nurse called me in to get a shot. After she gave it to me, there was some confusion about how much she should charge me. After we resolved the problem, I went back into the waiting room and Kacie was sitting there. She looked about ten years old.

In my second dream, we were living in my mother's house in Catonsville. Kacie and her friends were running through the neighborhood and there were dogs everywhere. Suddenly I realized that I hadn't seen Kacie in a while. I ran up and down the streets calling her name and was told by a group of four kids that she was washing her clothes in a neighbor's house. When I entered the house someone was sleeping in bed on the first floor. So I went to the basement and Kacie was asleep in a chair next to the washing machine. She opened her eyes and smiled. Again, she appeared to be about ten years old.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Orangish Reddish Brown

This morning, I was going through Kacie's books and came across one of my favorites, Atlas Shrugged. At page 90, she had inserted a paint chip card that she was using as a book mark. It was from Home Depot and showed four shades of paint ranging from orange to burgundy. The one that caught my attention was red jalapeno 190D-6. This is Kacie's favorite color. These are Behr Premium Plus paint colors.

After laboring through More Die Of Heartbreak, Atlas Shrugged would be really refreshing. After finding this marker, the book will have special meaning for me.

Would anyone like to read this next?

Thursday, September 18, 2008

tubby time book

As some of you may know, Kacie was not very big on taking showers. She loved to take "tubbys." I am not sure why she liked taking tubs over showers. I always prefer showers. I take a bath maybe 3 times a year. I normally save it for a special time when I feel like just relaxing and letting the stress roll off. However, Kacie loved to do this all the time. I remember one time her telling me how much she loved tubs and how she could sit in the bath tub for hours just chilling out doing nothing. She also talked about how she loved just living in her apartment in sykesville and how sometimes if it wasn't for having to go out and buy food she could stay there for a very long time taking tubbys and reading books in complete solitude and being completely satisfied. 
This photo was taken by Lindsey. It is a picture of Kacie in her bathtub in Sykesville. Lindsey and Kacie were having a wine night and taking glamorous photos of themselves with wine glasses. The day after Kacie and Lindsey had this photo session, Kacie and I hung out somewhere and she told me all about it. She also told me all about her art idea for a coffee table book. She wanted to make a whole book of photography of different artistic portraits of people in the tub, taking bubble baths, acting silly or serious, black and white photos and some color, some fashion photo style- like the one of kacie above. I thought it was a cute idea. Maybe some day someone or a couple people could make a book like this for her as a collaborative. Amanda and Vince are the photographers.  

Friday, September 12, 2008

I miss you

Kace,

I am in Kuwait and on my way home. Before I left, I didn't make it to Baltimore to visit you and you told me you would never see me again. You were right. You were worried that it was me that wasn't going to make it back. I have so many unanswered questions.

Everyone else here is excited about coming home. I feel nothing because my best friend is not there to welcome me back.

I miss you so much

Love,
Jeff

Thursday, September 11, 2008

remember me

Its so hard to accept and believe that it has been six months since we lost Kacie.
It seems like just yesterday to me. I just read this poem and thought about her. Maybe you have read it before.

Remember Me
To the living, I am gone,
To the sorrowful, I will never return
To the angry, I was cheated
But, to the happy, I am at peace.
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon the shore,
Gazing at the beautiful sea, remember me
As you look in awe at a mightly forest
And its grand majesty, remember me
Remember me in your hearts,
In your thoughts, and the memories of the
Tmes we loved, the times we cried, the
Battle I fought and the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me,
I will have never gone.

Love you Kacie.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

caraba's

Last night I went to Caraba's. This was a place Kacie liked to go. Everytime we went there they amost always sat us in the same booth. Kacie's favorite dish there was the Chicken Bryan. I ofcourse ordered that and it was I think the best Chicken Bryan I ever had. We also use to love the bread and olive oil they give you in the beginning too. I think her and Larissa use to go there a lot too.  Anyone else have any Caraba's memories? I think she said that she learned about the Chicken Bryan from a friend of hers from Hilton Head, is this true?


Monday, September 8, 2008

Myspace Comments

Missing Kacie comes to me in waves. Not that I don't miss her all the time, because I do...but I don't need to tell you guys that. But most of the time, I can kind of push past the missing and go about my daily life, but then these waves come, thankfully usually late at night when I am alone, where the feeling of loss is just crippling and I miss her so much that I start frantically searching around my room for any new bit of Kacie I can find...something I haven't uncovered yet, and that can help me remember some specific time between us. 

Today I got hit with a wave that led me to all the old myspace comments she left me over the past three years. I went through each one and saved them in a word document so that I can keep them around. 

One of the best things about Kacie's informal writing is that she wrote EXACTLY how she talked, so reading the comments was just like hearing her speak them. 

I included my own remembrances (in red) about the topics of the comments where it wasn't clear what she was talking about. Hopefully there are some little stories there that I haven't shared yet. 

__________


Dec 10, 2005 12:29 AM
i kill you in your sleep tonight

Kacie loved to threaten me from across the hall in our apartment.


Dec 19, 2005 7:36 PM
money.cash.hoes
chinese food.

This was probably kacie listing her favorite things. I’m assuming hoes were a joke…but she definitely loved all those other things.

Dec 26, 2005 7:10 PM
is royal ok?

Dec 28, 2005 5:52 PM
verryyyy funny. but ironic, the same thing happened to carolina when i got home today, but seriously.
anywayyyyyy im home now, but if you dont see me when you get home tonight, im in OCEAN CITY!!!!YAYYY

I think I told her some made up story about Royal running away or getting maimed.

May 16, 2006 9:09 AM
check 1 2 1 2!

Yo TFS are you listenin to what im spittin
Im gonna go to KFC and get me some chickin
I post like a fool in the middle of the night
Maths got me down but im not goin without a fight
Think i cant rhyme worth a dam?
Then ask Snoopy and he'll tell you who can
Its me slow poke
I aint no joke
Cause I roll with the punches
Even though my mommy packs my school lunches!

The brilliance of Kacie’s raps.

May 30, 2006 11:51 AM
thought i told you.. the downstairs neighbors always smoke the devils flower. they get it mailed to them from cali..heh

This is probably in reference to our neighbors in Catonsville. It very frequently smelled like pot.

Jun 12, 2006 10:26 AM
did you go to ocean city??im jealous.

Jul 27, 2006 2:20 PM
roommatesroommatesro ommates!

This was a silly little song kacie and I used to sing. Roommates is the only word in the song. We used to hold hands and skip while we sang it. Like I said, silly.

Aug 2, 2006 2:57 PM
are you going to goooo? if so, i can only take that to mean one thing and that is CLAY BEASTS! MORE CLAY BEASTS!

Kacie loved these little clay creatures that I made in art class in high school. This comment must have been around the time when I very briefly attended an art school in New York.

Aug 29, 2006 12:56 AM
hows ny yo?

Sep 8, 2006 6:12 PM
haha. YES! it sounds like an excellent opportunity!

Sep 13, 2006 12:36 PM
i'll only add pete yorn if YOU add master p.

I used to do online promotional stuff for Pete Yorn (one of my favorite singers), and I must have asked her to friend him on myspace. This was one of kacie’s many attempts to bring Rap music into my life.

Oct 25, 2006 4:56 PM
im backkk mother fucker

Oct 25, 2006 5:45 PM
haha i knowwww. i wonder if they will remembs each oth? prob. umm yeha im comin to haul my bed outcho basement my true homie! wehn are we going to get MSGEd!? Holler

Probably talking about the cats. And that bed lived in my basement for a very long time! My mom even tried to sell it online! Getting MSG’d is how we used to say “go out for Chinese food.” I think it came from an online cartoon called teen Girl Squad that we loved….and quoted all the time. But that might have been a kacie-ism even before the cartoon.

Nov 5, 2006 2:16 PM
it going pretty well. the lady who was supposed to train me dicked over nordy so i had to do by myself. that was kind of stupid, but i guess i dont care. im not used to workign all the time either but... i like $$$$$ cuz its real cool.

Nov 5, 2006 3:01 PM
nooo work todayyy. sort of ...yeah. all i have is the compy. i have no tv. buy me one

Nov 7, 2006 1:22 AM
muahhahahahah! yeah, it really scared me too. i jumped and almost dropped my laptop!

In reference to a terrifying video she sent me.

Nov 15, 2006 1:59 AM
ahh yeah ya see im in a lil bit of a pickle...

this was one of kacie’s favorite bits of “shtick” that I did. I just said that line with a sort of Minnesota/Midwest accent and she loved it! She used to make me say it all the time.

Dec 6, 2006 12:18 AM
hi rissy. yer cool. Bye

she always called me rissy. Now that I think about it, I think she only ever called me Larissa if she was introducing me to someone….and even then, it quickly went back to Rissy.

Dec 12, 2006 8:11 PM
u b and art teacher now?

Feb 9, 2007 11:36 PM
dindin again soon. .... maybe something better than bb's

I’m guessing bb’s is Applebees…but I could be wrong. Kacie Shorthand isn’t always easy to decode.

Feb 20, 2007 9:20 PM
lets hang this week homie.

Feb 24, 2007 9:24 AM
we can do whatever you want honeypie! im free tonight or all day tomm. Holllerr

Mar 17, 2007 10:09 AM
what happened to my rissy visit??

Mar 19, 2007 11:55 PM
i count on the fact that you have no life. please dont ever change that.
more importantly, youre almost 21!!!! woohhooooooo mommys gonna buy her little honey her first legal beer!

Mar 22, 2007 10:05 AM
LESS THAN ONE WEEK . . . . RARARARAHHHHALJLAABB BBBLAAAAAAAAA

Apr 2, 2007 11:43 AM
so i take caro for a nice ride in the car yesterday. it was a nice day out, you know? anyway, the little sob acted like she didnt like it! straight up hated it actually. i even rolled down the window and let her stick her little kitty head out. she didnt like that either. sheesh. i just dont understand that cat!

In addition to threatening me, she loved to threaten Carolina too.

May 14, 2007 8:25 PM
how u do, do do? lets get a drinky soon

May 24, 2007 1:13 PM
yes mam. how bout doin that with me friday nizzle?

Jun 6, 2007 11:32 PM
when the freak do i get some good ol fashioned rissy time??

Jun 7, 2007 11:32 PM
roommates, roommates!

Jun 10, 2007 10:24 AM
so i was talking a walk by pungent creek the other day and i happened to find some of your favorite smokey delights. when will you stop by to retreive?

This was another bit of “shtick” we had, but I can’t remember the whole thing…unfortunately. I remember it involved a hillbilly southern accent, and that we created it in the car one day. But that’s all :(

Jun 14, 2007 9:51 PM
thank you! now you can sleep in peace. no rissy hugs until morning!

Jun 16, 2007 1:39 AM
godddddammit! @ sonofabitch. jesusmotherofchrist! maryandjosephand all the deciples! ! ! goodgodjesusin aphilidephiafreakinw indowseat! dammit!

This is the product of one of our favorite comediennes, Kathy Griffin. Her parents are very catholic and she likes to push the envelope. So part of her routine is imitating her mother whenever she hears that Kathy said something offensive, and it would be this string of equally offensive religious-related expletives. This bit was a huge favorite of kacie and I remember picking up many-a phone call and instead of hello hearing “jesuschristhangingoffthecrosskathleenjohnandallltheapostles!!!”

Jun 16, 2007 11:07 AM
muahahahahahah number 5 spot not long before i take over your top 8!!!!!!!

Jun 16, 2007 11:42 PM
hee hhes hes the one thattt tha that comes arou roud around lookin for the sex!

This is a line from another one of kacie’s favorite comedians, Liam Sullivan. She turned me on to him.

Jun 17, 2007 4:57 PM
yeah. i quit drinking and started eating. shit.

Jun 19, 2007 12:31 AM
i WANT to live above that bookstore. think how much play i could get. sheesh.

When we were looking for a place together, I found this little apartment above a bookstore in Baltimore. Pretty much kacie’s dream. But it was already rented by the time we called.

Jun 19, 2007 2:42 AM
goddammit jesuschrist and the jewsmaryjosephandall theapostleswrappedup in a rosary hanging in the rearviewof a jersey cab goddammitt!

More Kathy Griffin!

Jun 20, 2007 9:47 PM
im glad you like my haiku!

Jul 1, 2007 10:38 PM
awwwww commeeeon grrl u kno i wan the 5 beroom that has allot of spac and gas cookin!!!

Jul 3, 2007 2:37 PM
nice new video. very dramatic! also, i called the country bumpkin at the apt complex. she hasnt returned my call. any word?

Jul 5, 2007 2:02 PM
umm yeah....im in a bit of a pickle..my car broke down. serious engine damage. i think its done for. dont know when im coming back. heh.

Jul 5, 2007 2:17 PM
yeah! but i mean look at it. god. maybe i buy a horse. they dont break down, just die..but not for like 20 years or something.

Jul 5, 2007 8:14 PM
hahaha. i already did baby, one step ahead of ya! woop!

Jul 5, 2007 11:26 PM
things ive learned in sc:
1. paula abdulee..sp? IS INSANE!
2. i live for kathy griffin
3. once sand gets in your bed, you can never get it out.
xoxo. miss you.

Jul 6, 2007 12:59 PM
bitch my familys here!!!!!

Jul 8, 2007 3:39 PM
i thought bravo was the fag chan! wtf. i still have so much to learn. Sheesh

Jul 10, 2007 9:30 AM
u know i love me some john. weve been hanging like 24/7! ohhh and tea party when i come back!

John was her myspace alter-ego. She created it just to be silly, and would sometimes leave comments on my page as him, saying “love you, girl” or something like that. She used to oke about him a lot.

Jul 10, 2007 10:00 AM
lets do tea this weekend!

Jul 12, 2007 10:40 PM
tra la log video!~

Jul 14, 2007 12:24 AM
LIAM IS GOING TO BE IN A SHOW!!!! I HATE MY 30S VH1!!!!!! HOLYJCMOTHEROFMARYVI RGINTEARS! THERE IS A GOD!!

More Liam Sullivan

Jul 14, 2007 12:27 AM
i almost cried!!!!! god ilove him

Jul 17, 2007 8:44 AM
and only you could weave such an exacting response in the same nature. sweet love. *sigh*

Jul 22, 2007 7:12 PM
aw mang, you scared me right outta lovin him!

Sep 6, 2007 10:35 PM
hahahah that video is halar! im actually doing good believe it or not. my new job is the bomb. i love it!

Sep 8, 2007 2:11 PM
we should help the iraq, such as. so we can build up our future?

In reference to a video that she loved of a beauty pageant contestant giving an unbelievably stupid answer to a question.

Oct 3, 2007 9:44 PM
blipptyblooptyy. how is it going with the new husb?

Oct 4, 2007 8:40 AM
you do too many crossword puzzles. burns going down, sir.

Oct 14, 2007 12:09 PM
WASNT HE IN HIS UNDERWEAR NEARLY THE WHOLE MOVIE!!!!!!? (kick.)

I don’t remember what movie this was about, but some woman sitting behind us said it during the movie, and then kicked one of our seats. We were not pleased.

Nov 13, 2007 1:49 PM
how is day 2 treating you? IM STARVING!

I’m suuuuure this is talking about the Idiot Diet

Nov 13, 2007 2:45 PM
same. I'M RAVENOUS@!

Nov 25, 2007 3:20 PM
our group is the shit! tg is dangerous!!

TG is Thanksgiving. We created a myspace group called the Thanksgiving Day Safety Alliance, or something like that. It all started when we were talking online while I was at my dad’s and he burned himself with hot turkey grease. We just went with it and then created the group….i think we are the only two members.

Nov 25, 2007 10:56 PM
IM SINGIIINNNNG . IM IN A STORE AND IM SIIIIIIINGGGING!

This is a line from the movie, Elf. I remember that we were killing time at Greg’s place one day and kacie decided we should watch a movie. Despite all the similarities in our personalities and taste, we usually had a rough time finding a movie that we both wanted to watch. I very timidly suggested Elf, because I love that movie, but fully expected kacie to shoot it down and call it dumb. But she was so excited! Turned out that she LOVED the movie! She quoted it constantly after that!

Nov 26, 2007 12:26 AM
its on every night. i think i have watched it 3 times since i did with you. Bahbhah

more Elf!

Nov 26, 2007 1:24 AM
that is the only movie to make me behave like a lady.

More Elf!!!

Nov 26, 2007 1:27 AM
and i do mean cry like a hysterical new born

Nov 29, 2007 10:16 AM
a jerk that wants to have dinner with you....

Nov 30, 2007 10:41 AM
jesuschrist hangin off the cross cathrine why did you have to go and tell jesus to suck it goddammit son of a bitch

Kathy Griffin!

Dec 2, 2007 12:14 PM
dont go to yer daddys ...lets go on walk!

Dec 3, 2007 10:11 AM
goddammit i'll never compare to that

Dec 4, 2007 11:37 AM
talk shit.get hit. good philosophy.

In reference to a video I sent her with another hilarious comedian in it.

Dec 5, 2007 4:58 PM
i am so glad im not jewish. i cant even imagine trying to think of 12 gifts!!!! Bahhumbuggg

I had to inform her that Hannukah only has 8 nights.

Dec 10, 2007 11:21 PM
lunch for a week haiku:
flavor it up with
leftover sauce packets from
the Chinese takeout

probably one of my favorite pieces of writing from Kacie. Truly.

Jan 8, 2008 11:56 AM
i dont like winter-mester. :(

This past January I was taking 2 winter classes to try and graduate on time. It meant I didn’t get to see a lot of kacie, a fact which carried over into the spring semester when it started. I obviously regret now not making time more than I can ever express.

Jan 13, 2008 12:15 PM
that baby always cracks me up!! im scared of the boy-sboy

Feb 12, 2008 10:47 PM
get well! i hear a dinner date approaching. . . . oooghagaljbooahh- see! ?

Saturday, September 6, 2008

ocean city police

I was at a bar last night watching Kresimir's band play. I met a guy who was a friend of Kresimir's from work. He was wearing a polo shirt that on the chest was embroidered "Ocean City Police, '83, Boardwalk Division" 
I found this very amazing considering that is the year Kacie was born and everything. I asked him where he got the shirt. He said he got it at good will. He said there were 2 of the shirts. He bought both of them. I offered him 10 bucks for the shirt. He said he would be glad to sell the other one to me. Isn't that funny?

photos of kacie in mirror





Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Mirror Photo

Last night I had this short and strange dream.

I was going through a box of photos. I found a photo of a beautiful black antique car from the twenties. Then, I picked up another photo which I couldn't identify at first. As I examined it I realized that it was Kacie's reflection in a mirror. She was smiling and making a funny face.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

grocery shopping with kacie


Kacie and I really made it an event going grocery shopping together. She loved Martin's grocery store in Eldersburg and even would go grocery shopping out there when she was living in catonsville. Kacie always made fun of me at the grocery store because she said I took forever. Which everyone else tells me too. But it didn't seem to keep her from going with me to the store. 
Today I was in the grocery store and I came about a shelf full of Panda brand licorice. She loved this stuff. Does anyone else remember her buying this stuff? They are little bite size licorice. She liked the red kind. I think she use to buy them at either Roots or the Asian Mart. Anyway, I saw them today at Shoppers Warehouse. I never really liked them. Kresimir really likes them though.
I also remember Kacie going crazy grocery shopping for Mimi. She said Mimi would call her like once every couple days asking her to get "1 banana, 2 lean cuisine frozen meals" Mimi would never let her just buy 10 lean cuisine meals at a time. Haha. I think Mimi just wanted to have as much of Kacie's company as she could get.