Its so hard to accept and believe that it has been six months since we lost Kacie.
It seems like just yesterday to me. I just read this poem and thought about her. Maybe you have read it before.
Remember Me
To the living, I am gone,
To the sorrowful, I will never return
To the angry, I was cheated
But, to the happy, I am at peace.
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon the shore,
Gazing at the beautiful sea, remember me
As you look in awe at a mightly forest
And its grand majesty, remember me
Remember me in your hearts,
In your thoughts, and the memories of the
Tmes we loved, the times we cried, the
Battle I fought and the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me,
I will have never gone.
Love you Kacie.
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6 comments:
Nancy, that was a beautiful poem. I found it particularly touching because I know that all of us are going through all of those different feelings. There are so many things that I think of that make me remember Kacie. (like the sea and the forest in the poem) Today I remembered Melba Toast while shopping in the grocery store. She loved those crackers. Everyday... no matter where I am.... Driving in my car and a long lost song comes on the radio, shopping at the grocery store, walking behind a stranger that resembles Kacie, seeing a piece of artwork I know she would have loved... All these things and so much more remind me of her everyday.
I, too, cannot believe it has been 6 months since. In some ways I feel like it has been much longer... in some ways I feel it was just yesterday. I wish I could have just one more time to hang out with her. Just to give her a hug. She didn't give me that many hugs. She wasn't a big touchy-feely kinda person. I wish I could just drive over to her place in Sykesville and walk with her to put her laundry in down in the creepy laundry room. She was always scared to go in there by herself.
When I imagine Kacie in my mind... the first thing that I think of was her milky skin. The tiny pores and peach fuzz on her face. Then I think of her hands and how she always painted her nails that beige color... (it was a nail strengthening polish) with her rings and she was always asking for hand lotion.
The most peaceful memory and moment I have of Kacie is just driving around with her in the car. We didn't even have to say anything and we didn't even have to be going anywhere. Sometimes we just drove to kill some time. As we grew older we did not go on as many of these car rides but I know Kacie always did this when she was alone. It was her way of just clearing her head. She would drive around with the windows rolled down even in the freezing cold of winter. She would blast her favorite tunes with her big sunglasses on and the wind blowing through her hair. I always think of her riding in the car when I am trying to think of her in a better place. I played this image in my head many times while being at the hospital. I am not sure if this poem has been shared or not before on the blog but it can't help to post it anyway. This is a poem Kacie wrote about those peaceful moments of just driving around in her car in her own little world and being free from everything for those moments. The car is not referenced until the end of the poem but it definetly plays a big part.
"does anyone believe in past lives? i know its a silly question, but recently i have been wondering about it, just based on a few paltry coincidences. recently, i have noticed an unexplained affection for a certain small town in my state. it is modest, and mainly historic. the streets are lined with non-chained stores that have no rhyme or reason for their location, as well as a humble, yet enjoyable library, one courthouse and a few churches, claimed by various denominations. most of the homes are old, nearly 200 years i suppose, and their yards are decorated with oaks, no doubt equally as historic._i find myself driving to this town nearly every day. there is no logical reason. i have no purpose, but surely as i do wake at every single sunrise, i find myself there. why? i did not grow up in this town. i have no friends or family. i really have no business even visiting..except, of course, for my unexplained affinity. i guess it has been going on for about six months now. the coffee in its one, singularly named coffee shop tastes better than any other in my crowded, obnoxious neighborhood... and i know that i am lying to myself.__i have been making a lot of cds recently, and for whatever reason, titling them very romantically, despite the lack thereof. i suppose one who came across my collection would assume that i was in love, that i had finally found another soul to complete mine, however, i know differently. i am making them for a place, for a place that i cannot grasp with neither intellect, nor time. __i find myself meandering along its shady paths lined with dying, (and some alive too) maples. i am listening to the white album on repeat as smoke spirals like ribbons out of the window of my car. my hand is dangling carelessly on the edge of chrome while it somehow reaches for what i cannot yet have. there is no reason why, but when i am there, it feels right. it just feels right."
I love you Kacie.
-Natalie
loved seeing her poem, thanks.
Kacie loved you too, Natalie, and thought so much of you. I remember when she would call me to talk about a problem or things in general, she always mentioned talking with Natalie about it too.
Or she would say, "let me find out what Natalie thinks". :)
These are good poems. I always love being reminded of kacie and there isn't much that doesn't remind me of her. One of the things I like to think of is the tattoo that I got the day she died. She didn't even really like that tatto of the ships wheel on her ankle but it means a lot more to me. It reminds me of what kacie loved, maryland and ocean city.
I just returned from the grocery store and everything I bought had some reminder of kacie. We would always love going grocery shopping together. My favorites buys are goat cheese, olive tapenade, and a french baguette. Kacie loved picking out a small, different type of cheese and we would eat it with bread. I also bought some thai ingredients for making thai curry. She turned me on to Thai food and it is my favorite food to this day. She always loved getting pad thai when she was younger but I think she also liked to change it up. I also bought some seaweed salad. Sounds gross but it is really, really good. Kacie and I both loved it. Speaking of which, that reminds me of the vegetable garden in DC (rockville pike I think). She loved the vegetable garden. It is a vegetarian resteraunt and they served seaweed salad, among other mystery non-meat meat products. It is kind of far away from baltimore so she would have to beg someone to go with her. Everything I bought at the store today, she loved. From English breakfast tea to tofu. If it wasn't for her, I would have probably bought hamburger meat and made some meatloaf.
Also, upon unpacking my things in my new apartment, one of the first things I came across was the pictures kacie and I took of our cruise....I will post them shortly, there are plenty of funny stories to go along with them.
jeff,
do you remember the brand of english tea or teas she liked?
Nancy, I don't remember if she liked a specific brand but I do remember her loving tea time. It was so funny that she liked things that normally old people only like....and Bingo too! We went to a tea time here in Texas and it wasn't very good. They were extremely overpriced and she said the one in Maryland was so much better. She heckled that place online until they banned her from posting to their website!
Nancy, I just re-read the poem and it is amazing how much it reminded me of thinking about her as I stood on the jetty in Ocean City. You posted this comment before I even made that trip.
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