threading

Kacie and I discovered eyebrow threading/ waxing some time ago. We always went and saw Daisy at the JCPenney salon in Columbia Mall. She was amazing. She was from India where the threading technique originated. Kacie wouldn't go to anyone else.

work out clothes

does anyone else remember kacie's workout attire? I recently joined a gym and can't help but laugh thinking about the things she use to wear to the gym. She use to always wear capri length sweat pants with brown and orange striped socks or some other socks pulled up with her brown and orange new balances or saucony tennis shoes. She also had a grey pair of tennis shoes i believe she switched to later. 

christmas in china.... well not really.

I remember Kacie and Mimi use to always get Chinese food on Xmas day from a takeout spot near Mimi's house. Sometimes I think they would dine in when Mimi was still driving. I also remember one year Kacie and Jeff took Mimi out to a restaurant downtown somewhere. What was the place, Jeff?

Lip venom

Kacie loved lip gloss. She also thought that her lips were too small so she was always buying lip-plumping lip gloss. She loved lip venom and some other brands. I never really liked the stuff it always made my lips burn but she liked it.

12/11/2008

Kac, Things are just not the same without you.
Love
Mom and Dad

in response to a difficult project

Well.... well... well.... this is quite the task. I am not sure about Kacie's work history prior to moving back to Maryland. However... I can tell you once she moved back...

1. Roots Market  Clarksville, MD

2. Origins Columbia Mall- Kacie and I worked here together and we quit together at the same time too.

3. Riverside Coffee shop- Columbia, MD & Ellicott City, MD

3. Babysitting (haha) Lisa might know exactly where these were. She watched kids for several different families and I remember one of the kids was autistic. Kacie use to tell me some crazy stories about that one.

4. Midevil Times- Arundel Mills Mall

5. Bed Bath and Beyond- She quit this job on the first day.

6. Secret Shopper- Kacie did this job for a while. Going around shopping and then filling out surveys online. It ended up not being really worth it for the pay.

7. In Texas she had a couple different jobs Jeff would know these- Twin Sisters resturaunt? An advertising agency

8. Nordstrom

9. Claratin sales rep

10. Monoprint or monograph I think it was called. This was the job she was suppose to be a project manager and they mislead her. It was the last job she had. 

I am pretty sure there are some more I am forgetting.... I will have to think about this one for a while.

Places she lived.... (after moving back to MD)

1. Chatham Garden Apartments- Ellicott City, MD with Shannon (then Shannon moved to Utah briefly)

2.In between Chatham and MeadowLane she spread her time out living at Mimi's house and Jeff's apartment in Catonsville

3. Meadow Lane Apartments- Catonsville, MD- First lived with me after I moved out Lisa moved in with her

4. Another lapse living with Mimi briefly I think

5. Chatham Garden Apartments again- this time she had the place to herself. They didn't allow pets. After trying to have Margo and them finidng out she had to give Margo to Vince. Then she tried getting a ferrett which they also found out about even though we put tint on all the windows. I believe they told her she had to move out because of her animal problems.

6. perhaps another move in with Mimi

7. Townhouse in Columbia with Larissa and Kathy- correct me if I am wrong Larissa but didnt this only last a couple months??

8. Mount Ridge Apartments- Catonsville, MD- with Larissa "Roomates! Roomates!"

9. San Antonio, Texas

10. My Apartment in Sykesville, MD- Main Street

11. Mimi's again for a few weeks

12. Her own apartment in Sykesville, MD- she was there for about 6 months roughly. I decided to move to the city and so Kacie decided to move too and save some money.

13. Back to Mimi's house. 

I am pretty sure this list is accurate in chronological order... However exact years... I am not sure about all that. If anyone remembers something else or differently please chime in.

A Difficult Project

Nancy and I have been thinking about this one. Let's try to put together a list of all of the places that Kacie has worked, starting with the Coastal Discovery Museum on Hilton Head Island. I hope this website is big enough. And let's do it in chronological order.

And if that isn't difficult enough, let's put together a chronological list of all the places that Kacie has lived!!!!!

Natalie, you're gonna have to be our main resource on this one.

europe

When I graduated college I wanted to go on a trip to Europe for a few weeks with Kacie. We wanted to take the Eurorail and hop around to a bunch of different places. Kacie still had another semester left of school and for other reasons it didn't work out that we got to ever go on our european vacation. I was going through an old notebook of mine from college and I found notes in there on our ideas about the trip. I had written down all the countries that the eurorail went to and Kacie circled all the ones she was interested in and I highlighted the ones I wanted. The places Kacie wanted to go were:

Belgium

France

Germany

Greece

Holland > which she visited with Jeff in his dream

Italy

Luxembourg

Portugal 

Ireland 

Sweden

The little Black... Hoodie

This was Kacie's signature piece in her wardrobe collection. She always had a few different ones to wear. She would always talk about I need to get a new hoodie. A fresh black hoodie.

Ocean City Visit

Today I visited Kacie in Ocean City. The weather was decent. It was about 54 outside and there was no rain like the previous day. When I got there, the first thing I did was engrave Kacie's initials into the rock she was standing in the OC pic Natalie took of her. The jetty was really cold because it was windy and there was water splashing all over me, getting me drenched. I tried to get her initials done as soon as possible because it was getting pretty dangerous to be out there. After I did that, I just spent sometime standing on the rocks a little further back and facing south towards some clouds above. I had been thinking about what my visit was going to be like and imagining that I would talk to her for a little while. When I was standing there, I didn't really know what to say. Maybe because it feels kind of funny talking and not knowing if someone is listening. I eventually just said "I just want to know that your'e happy." Immediately when I said that, a perfect hole broke in the cloud and the sun shined directly on my face and making my entire body warmer. I snapped a couple pictures so I could remember that incredible moment. I don't know if it meant anything but I like to think it did. What are the odds?

After that, I decided to go buy some flowers and spread them out over the different places we spread her ashes. I also walked the boardwalk a little as well.

Anyways, the pictures (and video) are below including the one with the sun shining through the clouds. Enjoy...

Recurring Dream

I've had the same dream several times in the last month.

In my dream, I take a drink of wine and suddenly recall that I vowed that I would never drink alcohol again in Kacie's memory. It really bothers my conscience and I start to feel sick and wake up.

It's been two months since I've had a drink and I have no desire to.

Rock Photos

It was so great to see everyone today! I'm glad that we could all share the River Road walk and add a new place to the list of "Kacie Spots."

i miss you everyday.

i really do. I love you so much. You will never be replaced. ever.

Another dream

I had a really strange dream the other night. Most of my dreams are pretty weird. I guess they suit me. Anyway, I remember the dream starting with Kacie and I flying in a small Cessna plane that I was flying. We flew all the way overseas to the Netherlands. Kacie and I were walking around some mall type place and I remember Kacie and I eating lunch somewhere with some older man I don't know. Then the whole dream just went south from there. I don't know if Kacie and I had split up to go shopping there or what but all I remember is panicking that I had lost her. I was circling around the shopping center looking for her and then I woke up for work.

a wonderful dream.

Early this morning I had an amazing Kacie dream. It was soooo real. I was meeting Kacie in a hotel lobby for some reason. I remember walking in and immediatley hugging her and not letting go. This has been a repeated thing in my last couple dreams with Kacie. I was hugging her and she was just acting very casual. She told me she liked my haircut. And she acted like she didn't know why I wouldn't stop hugging her. We talked about some other things. I dont remember what but I remember her voice sounding exactly like Kacie's. It was incredible. Then we stopped hugging and were sitting down at a table about to order lunch. We were sitting with an older gentleman (who I think was supposed to be a man I work with in real life). Kacie was making fun of him and called him Mr. Rodgers in her sarcastic tone. I started to laugh and then I woke up. It made me really upset when I woke up because I tried to imagine her voice again in my head. I really really miss you Kacie. I wish you visited me in my dreams every night. 

gobble gobble

remember the turkey kacie won at martin's? i am pretty sure when she moved to mimi's from sykesville she brought it with her. either that or she abandoned it in the sykesville apt fridge. 

11/11/08

We miss you Kacie.

Love,
Mom and Dad

The DVD Recorder

I had this short dream last night. I was holding a small electrical device and Kacie, appearing as an adult, told me that it recorded dvds. She then showed me how to connect a vhs player to it to get a recording and I woke up.

Two Dreams In One Night

Two nights ago, I dreamed that I walked into a beautiful white room. There was a bed in the middle of it and Kacie was sitting on the bed. She looked around six years old. The room was beautifully furnished with shelving on the wall holding all sorts of colorful items. For some reason I started singing some sort of silly song that a young child might sing. I had never heard this song before and made it up as I went along. I then started walking toward the door and noticed a piece of paper hung on the wall. Written on it were the lyrics to the song that I had just sung.

Later in the night, I dreamed that Kacie and I were standing at the top of the huge concrete dam at Liberty Reservoir. She was again about six years old. I made a long cast with my fishing rod into the lake below and hooked a huge fish. It jumped once and I lost it.

cat power/ david bowie

As all of you may know Cat Power was one of Kacie's favorite bands. Has anyone seen the new Lincoln car commercial? It is Cat Power aka Chan Marshall doing a cover of "Space Oddity" by David Bowie. Kacie also loved a lot of David Bowie's music as well. Whenever I listen to Cat Power I think of Kacie. She was the one who introduced me to it and took me to a concert of hers at the 9:30 club in Washington D.C. Larissa was there as well.

Check out this link if you want to see the commercial:

http://stereogum.com/archives/commercial-appeal/cat-power-covers-david-bowie-to-sell-cars_018661.html

I am sorry if I am repeating this.. I write so much on the blog and talk to people... so I am not sure. Kacie loved the song "Sea of Love" by Cat Power. (Check out the video above to hear the song. I don't know who made this video. It is not cat powere just some dork on the internet. But I posted it so you could hear the song) She wanted this song to be her wedding first dance song. But ended up picking "Our Love is here to Stay" by Ella Fitzgerald. Here are the lyrics to Sea of Love:

Come with me

My Love

To the sea

The sea of Love

I want to tell you

how much

I love you

Do you remember

When we met

That's the day

I knew you were my pet

I wanna tell you

how much

I love you

mascara

This was Kacie's favorite mascara. It was a two step mascara that she loved to layer and layer on. I think you all are probably familiar with the face Kacie made while putting on make up. I remember Vince and I making fun of her for that face. Vince if you get a chance you should post the picture of her putting on makeup. 

kacie art pt 2

kacie art

halloween

halloween is approaching and I can not help but think of Kacie. Her and I liked to always dress up as something together for halloween. We had numerous costumes... such as...

1. cowboy and indian- she was the cowboy and i was the indian. I don't have any photos of this costume. I know Lisa was with us this night. Lisa do you have any photos of Kacie that night? We all went to Fells Point

2. thelma and louise- this was an easy one for Kacie and I . We pretty much wore what we wore everyday but just added our big sunglasses, a scarf over our head and toy guns borrowed from my younger brother

3. rich chicks- this was a good one we dressed up with gaudy jewlry and bought little stuffed dogs and carried them around in our purses.

4. rag dolls- those are the ones with the rosy cheeks and pigtails

I know we had some other costumes... I just can't remember what they were...

8 oranges an hour

I thought of something funny Kacie use to always say to me. She always use to ask me to paint her stuff for her apartment or ask me if she could have some of my existing paintings. I would jokingly say to her well how much you gonna pay me? Instead of offering me money she would always offer to pay me in oranges. She would ask me "How about 8 oranges an hour?"

kacie dream!!

Had a dream about Kacie last night. Kacie and I were sitting in the audience of a political fundraiser and John McCain was giving a speech, and he started yelling at someone in the audience for falling asleep.

Kacie was sitting a few seats across from me and I remember she just started talking and talking but i don't remember what she was saying.

She then came over to me and started pulling up a piece of her hair telling me she was thinking of fixing it a certain way. Her hair was longer in my dream.

Then she started telling me how she couldn't find this or she couldn't find that.
I don't remember what she was looking for.

After that, Kacie started to tell me she was thinking of asking some of her friends to move in with her. I think she was talking about Mimi's house, because she appeared to look like she had most recently.

This is the first dream that Ive have had of her that she talked to me, i really saw her, and she looked most like she did recently. Im sorry to say that after that, I woke up in the middle of the night, but it was a great dream.

Kacie Would Have Watched This One

Kacie always denied liking my favorite singer, Frankie Valli, but last September she wanted to go to Wolf Trap with me to see him perform. As it turned out, Nancy got the extra ticket and went with me.

Jeff told me that he bought Valli's greatest hits cd in Iraq and really liked it.

Next Sunday, NBC is doing a tribute to Frankie Valli from 4:00-6:00 pm. You may want to see this and possibly you'll hear the Valli difference.

condiment queen!

KACIE'S "SEASONINGS" FOUR TYPES: 

SALT

KETCHUP

HOT SAUCE

SPRAY BUTTER

Although Kacie definitely had distinct taste for all sorts of food when it came down to it she really loved the simple things. These were basically her 4 food groups. 

I also have a funny story about Ketchup. It happened a long time ago when Kacie and I lived together in Meadow Ghetto of Catonsville. Nancy and Gary were in town. Nancy took Kacie to BJ'S or Sam's club. Some kind of big wholesale club. Kacie came back with 2 huge GALLON size containers of Ketchup. One of them she dropped in the hallway on the way in. Ketchup went EVERYWHERE! But Kacie did not clean it up. She figured it was the maintenance guys job to do. The ketchup sat and sat for weeks in that hallway. No one EVER cleaned it up. Eventually it just turned into grudge on the floor. We actually had a running bet of how long it would take before someone cleaned it up. On another occasion... Margo peed on one of the couches we had in the living room. It was actually Jeff's couch from Ikea that he gave to us when he moved or something. There was nothing we could do to get the pee smell out. So we threw the couch away. We put it outside next to the dumpster. We also had a running bet on how many days it would take before the couch got snatched up by someone. It too, sat there for weeks! I think she won the bet I thought it would have been gone sooner. People often dumped there furniture outside by the dumpsters in that neighborhood... a lot of times I think it was people getting evicted. I remember her and I had found a few dumpster treasures from time to time.

loafers

I know Larissa will probably remember the story of these shoes. Maybe some others will too. Kacie and I often bought things in pairs we would both find something we like and buy it. We found these suede loafers at Payless shoes that were super cute. I wore mine out to death and Kacie wore hers in the rain one time and they never recovered. She had these shoes when Larissa was living with her in Columbia at the townhouse. Larissa may remember the shoes that sat on her front porch for like 6 months. Those were the shoes! They got ruined from the rain and Kacie never threw them away she just left them on the front porch. Anyway, they were a burnt orange color... who would have thought? The pair that I had were more of a camel color. Anyway... I went to Salvation Army yesterday on Caton Avenue. (This was a favorite thrift store of ours she went there often with Vince and I.) I went there trying to find a pair of old boots... I was unsucsessful. Instead I found the exact pair of suede loafers from Payless in the burnt orange like Kacie had and they were my size AND brand spanking new! It was amazing. I couldn't believe it. I guess its not that hard to believe more then one person would have a pair of shoes from Payless... but it just seemed to good to be true. That was a pretty awesome thrift store find. The picture I have of the shoes is not the exact model of the shoes but it is close to what they looked like except they were burnt orange. Maybe I will take a picture of 'em soon.

Bright Eyes

Kacie's favorite singer is coming to Hilton Head on Nov. 15. He will be appearing at the Shoreline Ballroom which is a small club near our house.

Nancy and I will attend in Kacie's memory and post a review of the show.

VW Thing

Did anyone remember any cars Kacie really wanted? I always remember her wanting a VW Thing and thinking it was hideous. I think I remember her saying she wanted a purple one eight years ago but I think she would have liked the orange one better.

another grocery store find.

I was in Whole Foods today and I came across another Kacie memory. She loved this chocolate. Kacie always was a sucker for cute package design but the chocolate is actually really good too. It also comes with a love poem inside. I am pretty sure she gave a couple of these as gifts to a few valentines. I bought the dark chocolate with rasberry and it is out of this world. 

Atlas Shrugged Start Date

Jeff, are you out there? Did you get the book? We'll wait to hear from you and all get started together.

Nancy has a busy schedule right now and would like to begin Nov. 1. Is that okay with everyone? Would 1 chapter per week be okay?

Just Call Me Whitey

About one month after Kacie died, I began to see white blotches forming all over my body. It looked like my suntan was falling off. Finally, I went to a dermatologist and I was I diagnosed with a rare disease in which my body has stopped producing pigmentation. Believe it or not, Michael Jackson has the same disease and that's why he dyed his skin white. There is no cure and the disease persists for life. The sun greatly increases the spread of this stuff so I will have to avoid getting a burn or even a slight tan. The doctor told me that this disease is often brought on by shock or severe depression. Good grief. I live on a beautiful sunny island and have to stay indoors.

To change the subject, I have seriously decided to never have another drink of alcohol of any type. Nancy and I had absolutely no idea that Kacie had drinking issues. If I had known, I would have insisted that she would never have another drink. So, in Kacie's memory, I promise that I will never have another drink. Whenever I have the desire, I will think of her and move on.

blowing your nose

Did anyone else ever get yelled at for blowing your nose in front of Kacie? I was never allowed to. I had to go in the other room. Haha. She was disgusted by this. She would sometimes even ask me to run the water so she didn't have to hear it. Ha. However, she was allowed to pass gas in front of me whenever and however many times she wanted. Haha. I also was not allowed to rub my eyes. I think she thought I was getting eye goo on my hands or something.

the real deal

BINGO

Tonight I had the pleasure of going to Bingoworld off of Hanover Street Just within the city line... Boy let me tell you there were some characters there. The only time I have ever gone to a bingo hall before was with Kacie. We went to a Bingo place off of Route 40 near Westview. I found out tonight it is no longer there... they turned it into an asian market - another thing Kacie loved as we all know. Anyways, the people I saw tonight were just fascinating... Kacie and I talked about doing a documentary on Bingo. The lifers. The old ladys who had been going since who knows when. The ones that never leave. Anyway... my experience with Kacie at this bingo hall was hysterical. It was before they had passed the smoking ban in Maryland. Since most of the bingo players are smokers the whole huge big room was a smoking room and then they had a little itty bity tiny room to the side that was for non smokers. We wanted the full experience so we played in the smoking room. Desiree and Jade (friends of Kacie's from mid evil times) were there too. The smoke was sooooo thick in the room you could barely read the cards on your table. But we had a blast! I remember during intermission Kacie and I went snooping around trying to find a scooby snack and to our delight there was a snack line in the back area with all home made cakes by the old ladies!! It was absolutely delicious! I think I got something with coconut... I don't remember exactly. We always talked about going back there just to go eat the food. But once we got out of Bingo that night our eyes were burning so bad and we felt so sick from all the smoke that I think we decided maybe it wasn't worth it. Playing Bingo tonight smoke free, came so close to winning almost twice, lost 20 bucks, only ate nachos... no cake, I think I decided again that it was not worth it to go back.... UNLESS I finally make that documentary Kacie and I wanted to do... maybe I would call it "Baltimore Bingo Babes"

Solution To Our Economic Problems

As the U.S. and world markets tumble into chaos, I can't stop thinking about Atlas Shrugged. This book contains the wisdom needed to get us out of this economic mess. I can't think of a better book to read right now. Unlike the last one, this book will grab your attention and enlighten you.

Would anyone like to start it at a very slow pace? Maybe one chapter each month.

Hilton Head Island Lighthouse

Yesterday, Kacie's birthday, Nancy and I went to the south end of the island and ate at a restaurant that is next to the lighthouse in Harbortown. We like going here because I had scattered Kacie's ashes at the top of this lighthouse and it is orangish reddish brown. So, when we finished our meal we went outside and were standing in the shade formed by this large structure when a young hispanic girl and an older man walked up to us. I had worked with the young girl but didn't recognize the older man. I talked with her for a while and then started a conversation with the man. He told us that he had traveled extensively all over the United States. He was a truck driver and had visited 48 states. I asked him what was the most beautiful place he had ever seen and would like to live and he looked at us with a big smile and said "San Antonio, Texas."

Happy Birthday Kacie.

Today, Vince, Larissa and I took a short stroll down River Road in Historic Sykesville. We then wento to Gypsy's tea room in Westminster. This was Kacie's favorite place to get tea. We had cream of cauliflower soup with an apple cinnamon scone. Next we had a tray of tea sandwiches and a butterscotch chai custard with fresh fruit. We all got out own choice of a pot of tea. The last course was a lemon crunch sorbet. Whenever I ate anywhere without Kacie or she was on a diet and could not participate in what I was eating in front of her she'd always say "So tell me about it. Tell me exactly what you ate and exactly how it tasted." We would laugh and I would elaborate on food for quite some time and we would laugh some more.

I also strolled around some of Kacies favorite antique shops in Sykesville too. I saw a lot of stuff I know she would have loved. I saw a lot of old books and I saw a hankercheif embroidered with a "K" on it. I was trying to remember what I did with Kacie last year for her birthday. After reading Jeff's blog... I do remember her going to dinner with Lindsey.... I remember I was going to go but had to work late that night. I know I made it up to her somehow.... but I dont remember how. I think I may have taken her to dinner somewhere else. Does anyone else remember anything about her birthday last year?

I miss you Kacie. I wish you could have been with us today. We did it all for you. We love you.

Miss you

I remember talking to you exactly one year ago and you wouldn't answer your phone because it was a strange number. I persisted and you finally answered. You were headed to Mealey's in New Market, MD where we had our reception and Lindsay was treating you to a birthday dinner.
Happy 25th, I know you are at peace. I hope you have fun today.

Love you, Jeff

october 4, 1983 at 09:16 p.m.

I remember this day as being one of the happiest days of my life, 10/04/1983.
We will probably go to Carrabbas and have the Chicken Bryan and then take a walk on the beach in her memory.

Wish you were here, sweetheart.

Love Mom

An Enlightening Birthday Dream

I had the following dream this morning at about 8:00am just as I waking up.

Kacie's Aunt Theresa was visiting us with her husband, Jimmy, and tried to discipline Kacie because Kacie was unwilling to help her with some work. Kacie rejected the criticism and walked away. Out of anger and concern, I grabbed Kacie and pinned her down to the hood of a car. I screamed at her and said "you've got to start listening to discipline for your own good and you have to stop drinking." She calmly stood up and looked at me without expression and said "you're not doing too good yourself." She then said, "I'll be getting married soon and would like a drink at the reception." I then woke up. Kacie appeared as an adult in this dream and looked just as she did just before her wedding.

This is an interesting dream because as she was growing up, she observed that I never had much respect for most authority and the norms of society. Since she died, I've often thought that maybe I drank too much around her when she was younger and this caused her to have problems later on. She positively got her irreverant sense of humor from me also.

In Kacie's memory, would anyone like to join me in abstinence from any alcohol for an extended period of time like a month, six months or a year? We all enjoy our drinks and have abused alcohol just as she did on the night of her death. Let me know if you would like to pledge a period of abstinence in Kacie's name and I will join you.

Finally another dream...

I had a dream last night... a wonderful dream with Kacie. I had a dream that there was some kind of medical miracle and Kacie had come back. I was calling everyone on my phone to tell them Kacie was back. We all met her at some sort of resturaunt. I remember when I got there Kacie was standing talking to Lisa Marshall and I think maybe her husband. I basically screamed when I saw her and we both ran and gave each other a hug. A really long hug and I didnt want to let go. I remember while we were hugging I was so excited she was back I started talking so fast trying to tell her all these things she had missed. I don't remember what I said... but I remember being able to really feel the hug. Then we were walking around the resturaunt place... no one was there that I had called except for Lisa earlier in the dream. I remember telling Kacie that I had become good friends with Larissa and that I also talk to her parents all the time and have become good friends with them too. She seemed at peace when I was telling her these things. Then we hugged again and I said to her wow I never got so many "kdiz" hugs from you before and she said "I know." That is kind of all I remember. She also looked great... I remember her looking just like the recent picture Jeff put up from on the way to Texas. The one where she is outside holding Royal. Her skin looked so bright and glowing and I think she was wearing a similair outfit.

It seems to be in a lot of the dreams I have with Kacie I am always hugging her not wanting to ever let go. I can literally feel the tension in my dreams between my arms and almost like I am locking my body trying to hold her so she can't get away. 

I really miss her. It has been a hard week for me. I have been thinking of her a lot.

Many, many Kacie pics

Today I talked to Gary on the phone and I talked about posting the treasure trove of Kacie pictures I had on my old computer. I have been reluctant to look at them because I knew it would be difficult. After I talked to Gary, I had some motivation to look through my old computer and find a whole bunch of pictures of Kacie. I also have some underwater photos of the Cayman Islands. Here is the link to all the pictures http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=izp4f6o.2gang5hs&x=0&y=-jzjm7t&localeid=en_US

Here are a few of my favorites......hope you enjoy them....













...and here is the video Gary requested....

Tea and the asian mart

inside of produce department at Han Ah Reum Asian mart on Rolling Road.




I saw Nancy asked about Teas Kacie liked.  I remember her loving the english brekfast tea but I don't remember the brand. I do however remember other teas she liked.

For the wedding favors she bought loose tea from Teavana. We made the teabags and tags on them ourselves. Larissa helped with this too. The tea she bought was called "Rooibos Sweet Amore" She liked the tea because of the name and also because it had rose petals in the tea. You can still buy the tea at teavana locations and you can also order it online on the teavana website at www.teavana.com

It also is reallllly good tea.

Kacie also loved Jasmine tea. In particular she would always buy some from the Asian Mart by Mimi's house. I was at the asian mart about a week ago and bought some. It is called YamaMotoYama Jasmine Tea. It sometimes is written in asian carictures. but always has the same package design.

While I was at the Asian Mart I also picked up some other favorite things of Kacies. She loved the house packaged Spicy tofu from there. She also introduced me to Shirataki noodles. They are noodles made out of tofu. They taste like noodles though. It was amazing to her because it was a low carb way to eat as much pasta as she wanted.

She also had another diet Tea that she she liked to drink. She called it "Ballerina tea" It can only be bought at the asian mart. Basically it is a dietary tea that just makes your body completely detox and burn fat. But the secret is.... it makes you poop... ALOT! and its really gross... I am sure some of you may have heard stories about it from Kacie. She was never shy with that. I remember when she was working at Nordstrom she had all the girls there sold on the idea of this tea and they were all going to the asian mart to buy it for their diet. It was hysterical. Kacie was always so persuasive. 

We also had a long running joke that everytime you would go to the asian mart you would almost get into an accident in your car atleast 3x before you even got into the store... and getting out was just as scary. There were always sooooo many people in the parking lot it was a nuthouse. The inside of the store is also just as cramped. Never the less it was all worth it for the tea and tofu. :)

Kacie dream

I had a dream about kacie last night. We were at the hospital and I think she had a baby. There were family and friends there I am not really sure who's baby it was but I think I remember her Grandfather Meadows visiting the hospital. I remember Kacie and I briefly talking about straightening our lives out and trying to get back together. I had that feeling during my dreams that someone else had died and Kacie was still okay. I have had this feeling before where I knew I had to do something to save her because someone else besides her had past away. Then I wake up and realize that she is gone.

recent photos Royal and Margo

While these are not the best photos thought i would share them anyway. These are a few photos i took recently at Vince's apartment of Royal and Margo together. Margo is the more difficult one. But Vince has said although they sometimes run around fighting and playing at times he has caught Margo giving a bath to Royal. 

Two Dreams

Last night I had the following two dreams.

In the first one, Kacie and I were sitting in a doctor's waiting room. We didn't speak and the nurse called me in to get a shot. After she gave it to me, there was some confusion about how much she should charge me. After we resolved the problem, I went back into the waiting room and Kacie was sitting there. She looked about ten years old.

In my second dream, we were living in my mother's house in Catonsville. Kacie and her friends were running through the neighborhood and there were dogs everywhere. Suddenly I realized that I hadn't seen Kacie in a while. I ran up and down the streets calling her name and was told by a group of four kids that she was washing her clothes in a neighbor's house. When I entered the house someone was sleeping in bed on the first floor. So I went to the basement and Kacie was asleep in a chair next to the washing machine. She opened her eyes and smiled. Again, she appeared to be about ten years old.

Orangish Reddish Brown

This morning, I was going through Kacie's books and came across one of my favorites, Atlas Shrugged. At page 90, she had inserted a paint chip card that she was using as a book mark. It was from Home Depot and showed four shades of paint ranging from orange to burgundy. The one that caught my attention was red jalapeno 190D-6. This is Kacie's favorite color. These are Behr Premium Plus paint colors.

After laboring through More Die Of Heartbreak, Atlas Shrugged would be really refreshing. After finding this marker, the book will have special meaning for me.

Would anyone like to read this next?

tubby time book

As some of you may know, Kacie was not very big on taking showers. She loved to take "tubbys." I am not sure why she liked taking tubs over showers. I always prefer showers. I take a bath maybe 3 times a year. I normally save it for a special time when I feel like just relaxing and letting the stress roll off. However, Kacie loved to do this all the time. I remember one time her telling me how much she loved tubs and how she could sit in the bath tub for hours just chilling out doing nothing. She also talked about how she loved just living in her apartment in sykesville and how sometimes if it wasn't for having to go out and buy food she could stay there for a very long time taking tubbys and reading books in complete solitude and being completely satisfied. 

This photo was taken by Lindsey. It is a picture of Kacie in her bathtub in Sykesville. Lindsey and Kacie were having a wine night and taking glamorous photos of themselves with wine glasses. The day after Kacie and Lindsey had this photo session, Kacie and I hung out somewhere and she told me all about it. She also told me all about her art idea for a coffee table book. She wanted to make a whole book of photography of different artistic portraits of people in the tub, taking bubble baths, acting silly or serious, black and white photos and some color, some fashion photo style- like the one of kacie above. I thought it was a cute idea. Maybe some day someone or a couple people could make a book like this for her as a collaborative. Amanda and Vince are the photographers.  

I miss you

Kace,

I am in Kuwait and on my way home. Before I left, I didn't make it to Baltimore to visit you and you told me you would never see me again. You were right. You were worried that it was me that wasn't going to make it back. I have so many unanswered questions.

Everyone else here is excited about coming home. I feel nothing because my best friend is not there to welcome me back.

I miss you so much

Love,
Jeff

remember me

Its so hard to accept and believe that it has been six months since we lost Kacie.
It seems like just yesterday to me. I just read this poem and thought about her. Maybe you have read it before.

Remember Me
To the living, I am gone,
To the sorrowful, I will never return
To the angry, I was cheated
But, to the happy, I am at peace.
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon the shore,
Gazing at the beautiful sea, remember me
As you look in awe at a mightly forest
And its grand majesty, remember me
Remember me in your hearts,
In your thoughts, and the memories of the
Tmes we loved, the times we cried, the
Battle I fought and the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me,
I will have never gone.

Love you Kacie.

caraba's

Last night I went to Caraba's. This was a place Kacie liked to go. Everytime we went there they amost always sat us in the same booth. Kacie's favorite dish there was the Chicken Bryan. I ofcourse ordered that and it was I think the best Chicken Bryan I ever had. We also use to love the bread and olive oil they give you in the beginning too. I think her and Larissa use to go there a lot too.  Anyone else have any Caraba's memories? I think she said that she learned about the Chicken Bryan from a friend of hers from Hilton Head, is this true?

Myspace Comments

Missing Kacie comes to me in waves. Not that I don't miss her all the time, because I do...but I don't need to tell you guys that. But most of the time, I can kind of push past the missing and go about my daily life, but then these waves come, thankfully usually late at night when I am alone, where the feeling of loss is just crippling and I miss her so much that I start frantically searching around my room for any new bit of Kacie I can find...something I haven't uncovered yet, and that can help me remember some specific time between us. 

Today I got hit with a wave that led me to all the old myspace comments she left me over the past three years. I went through each one and saved them in a word document so that I can keep them around. 

One of the best things about Kacie's informal writing is that she wrote EXACTLY how she talked, so reading the comments was just like hearing her speak them. 

I included my own remembrances (in red) about the topics of the comments where it wasn't clear what she was talking about. Hopefully there are some little stories there that I haven't shared yet. 

__________

Dec 10, 2005 12:29 AM
i kill you in your sleep tonight

Kacie loved to threaten me from across the hall in our apartment.

Dec 19, 2005 7:36 PM
money.cash.hoes
chinese food.

This was probably kacie listing her favorite things. I’m assuming hoes were a joke…but she definitely loved all those other things.

Dec 26, 2005 7:10 PM
is royal ok?

Dec 28, 2005 5:52 PM
verryyyy funny. but ironic, the same thing happened to carolina when i got home today, but seriously.
anywayyyyyy im home now, but if you dont see me when you get home tonight, im in OCEAN CITY!!!!YAYYY

I think I told her some made up story about Royal running away or getting maimed.

May 16, 2006 9:09 AM
check 1 2 1 2!

Yo TFS are you listenin to what im spittin
Im gonna go to KFC and get me some chickin
I post like a fool in the middle of the night
Maths got me down but im not goin without a fight
Think i cant rhyme worth a dam?
Then ask Snoopy and he'll tell you who can
Its me slow poke
I aint no joke
Cause I roll with the punches
Even though my mommy packs my school lunches!

The brilliance of Kacie’s raps.

May 30, 2006 11:51 AM
thought i told you.. the downstairs neighbors always smoke the devils flower. they get it mailed to them from cali..heh

This is probably in reference to our neighbors in Catonsville. It very frequently smelled like pot.

Jun 12, 2006 10:26 AM
did you go to ocean city??im jealous.

Jul 27, 2006 2:20 PM
roommatesroommatesro ommates!

This was a silly little song kacie and I used to sing. Roommates is the only word in the song. We used to hold hands and skip while we sang it. Like I said, silly.

Aug 2, 2006 2:57 PM
are you going to goooo? if so, i can only take that to mean one thing and that is CLAY BEASTS! MORE CLAY BEASTS!

Kacie loved these little clay creatures that I made in art class in high school. This comment must have been around the time when I very briefly attended an art school in New York.

Aug 29, 2006 12:56 AM
hows ny yo?

Sep 8, 2006 6:12 PM
haha. YES! it sounds like an excellent opportunity!

Sep 13, 2006 12:36 PM
i'll only add pete yorn if YOU add master p.

I used to do online promotional stuff for Pete Yorn (one of my favorite singers), and I must have asked her to friend him on myspace. This was one of kacie’s many attempts to bring Rap music into my life.

Oct 25, 2006 4:56 PM
im backkk mother fucker

Oct 25, 2006 5:45 PM
haha i knowwww. i wonder if they will remembs each oth? prob. umm yeha im comin to haul my bed outcho basement my true homie! wehn are we going to get MSGEd!? Holler

Probably talking about the cats. And that bed lived in my basement for a very long time! My mom even tried to sell it online! Getting MSG’d is how we used to say “go out for Chinese food.” I think it came from an online cartoon called teen Girl Squad that we loved….and quoted all the time. But that might have been a kacie-ism even before the cartoon.

Nov 5, 2006 2:16 PM
it going pretty well. the lady who was supposed to train me dicked over nordy so i had to do by myself. that was kind of stupid, but i guess i dont care. im not used to workign all the time either but... i like $$$$$ cuz its real cool.

Nov 5, 2006 3:01 PM
nooo work todayyy. sort of ...yeah. all i have is the compy. i have no tv. buy me one

Nov 7, 2006 1:22 AM
muahhahahahah! yeah, it really scared me too. i jumped and almost dropped my laptop!

In reference to a terrifying video she sent me.

Nov 15, 2006 1:59 AM
ahh yeah ya see im in a lil bit of a pickle...

this was one of kacie’s favorite bits of “shtick” that I did. I just said that line with a sort of Minnesota/Midwest accent and she loved it! She used to make me say it all the time.

Dec 6, 2006 12:18 AM
hi rissy. yer cool. Bye

she always called me rissy. Now that I think about it, I think she only ever called me Larissa if she was introducing me to someone….and even then, it quickly went back to Rissy.

Dec 12, 2006 8:11 PM
u b and art teacher now?

Feb 9, 2007 11:36 PM
dindin again soon. .... maybe something better than bb's

I’m guessing bb’s is Applebees…but I could be wrong. Kacie Shorthand isn’t always easy to decode.

Feb 20, 2007 9:20 PM
lets hang this week homie.

Feb 24, 2007 9:24 AM
we can do whatever you want honeypie! im free tonight or all day tomm. Holllerr

Mar 17, 2007 10:09 AM
what happened to my rissy visit??

Mar 19, 2007 11:55 PM
i count on the fact that you have no life. please dont ever change that.
more importantly, youre almost 21!!!! woohhooooooo mommys gonna buy her little honey her first legal beer!

Mar 22, 2007 10:05 AM
LESS THAN ONE WEEK . . . . RARARARAHHHHALJLAABB BBBLAAAAAAAAA

Apr 2, 2007 11:43 AM
so i take caro for a nice ride in the car yesterday. it was a nice day out, you know? anyway, the little sob acted like she didnt like it! straight up hated it actually. i even rolled down the window and let her stick her little kitty head out. she didnt like that either. sheesh. i just dont understand that cat!

In addition to threatening me, she loved to threaten Carolina too.

May 14, 2007 8:25 PM
how u do, do do? lets get a drinky soon

May 24, 2007 1:13 PM
yes mam. how bout doin that with me friday nizzle?

Jun 6, 2007 11:32 PM
when the freak do i get some good ol fashioned rissy time??

Jun 7, 2007 11:32 PM
roommates, roommates!

Jun 10, 2007 10:24 AM
so i was talking a walk by pungent creek the other day and i happened to find some of your favorite smokey delights. when will you stop by to retreive?

This was another bit of “shtick” we had, but I can’t remember the whole thing…unfortunately. I remember it involved a hillbilly southern accent, and that we created it in the car one day. But that’s all :(

Jun 14, 2007 9:51 PM
thank you! now you can sleep in peace. no rissy hugs until morning!

Jun 16, 2007 1:39 AM
godddddammit! @ sonofabitch. jesusmotherofchrist! maryandjosephand all the deciples! ! ! goodgodjesusin aphilidephiafreakinw indowseat! dammit!

This is the product of one of our favorite comediennes, Kathy Griffin. Her parents are very catholic and she likes to push the envelope. So part of her routine is imitating her mother whenever she hears that Kathy said something offensive, and it would be this string of equally offensive religious-related expletives. This bit was a huge favorite of kacie and I remember picking up many-a phone call and instead of hello hearing “jesuschristhangingoffthecrosskathleenjohnandallltheapostles!!!”

Jun 16, 2007 11:07 AM
muahahahahahah number 5 spot not long before i take over your top 8!!!!!!!

Jun 16, 2007 11:42 PM
hee hhes hes the one thattt tha that comes arou roud around lookin for the sex!

This is a line from another one of kacie’s favorite comedians, Liam Sullivan. She turned me on to him.

Jun 17, 2007 4:57 PM
yeah. i quit drinking and started eating. shit.

Jun 19, 2007 12:31 AM
i WANT to live above that bookstore. think how much play i could get. sheesh.

When we were looking for a place together, I found this little apartment above a bookstore in Baltimore. Pretty much kacie’s dream. But it was already rented by the time we called.

Jun 19, 2007 2:42 AM
goddammit jesuschrist and the jewsmaryjosephandall theapostleswrappedup in a rosary hanging in the rearviewof a jersey cab goddammitt!

More Kathy Griffin!

Jun 20, 2007 9:47 PM
im glad you like my haiku!

Jul 1, 2007 10:38 PM
awwwww commeeeon grrl u kno i wan the 5 beroom that has allot of spac and gas cookin!!!

Jul 3, 2007 2:37 PM
nice new video. very dramatic! also, i called the country bumpkin at the apt complex. she hasnt returned my call. any word?

Jul 5, 2007 2:02 PM
umm yeah....im in a bit of a pickle..my car broke down. serious engine damage. i think its done for. dont know when im coming back. heh.

Jul 5, 2007 2:17 PM
yeah! but i mean look at it. god. maybe i buy a horse. they dont break down, just die..but not for like 20 years or something.

Jul 5, 2007 8:14 PM
hahaha. i already did baby, one step ahead of ya! woop!

Jul 5, 2007 11:26 PM
things ive learned in sc:
1. paula abdulee..sp? IS INSANE!
2. i live for kathy griffin
3. once sand gets in your bed, you can never get it out.
xoxo. miss you.

Jul 6, 2007 12:59 PM
bitch my familys here!!!!!

Jul 8, 2007 3:39 PM
i thought bravo was the fag chan! wtf. i still have so much to learn. Sheesh

Jul 10, 2007 9:30 AM
u know i love me some john. weve been hanging like 24/7! ohhh and tea party when i come back!

John was her myspace alter-ego. She created it just to be silly, and would sometimes leave comments on my page as him, saying “love you, girl” or something like that. She used to oke about him a lot.

Jul 10, 2007 10:00 AM
lets do tea this weekend!

Jul 12, 2007 10:40 PM
tra la log video!~

Jul 14, 2007 12:24 AM
LIAM IS GOING TO BE IN A SHOW!!!! I HATE MY 30S VH1!!!!!! HOLYJCMOTHEROFMARYVI RGINTEARS! THERE IS A GOD!!

More Liam Sullivan

Jul 14, 2007 12:27 AM
i almost cried!!!!! god ilove him

Jul 17, 2007 8:44 AM
and only you could weave such an exacting response in the same nature. sweet love. *sigh*

Jul 22, 2007 7:12 PM
aw mang, you scared me right outta lovin him!

Sep 6, 2007 10:35 PM
hahahah that video is halar! im actually doing good believe it or not. my new job is the bomb. i love it!

Sep 8, 2007 2:11 PM
we should help the iraq, such as. so we can build up our future?

In reference to a video that she loved of a beauty pageant contestant giving an unbelievably stupid answer to a question.

Oct 3, 2007 9:44 PM
blipptyblooptyy. how is it going with the new husb?

Oct 4, 2007 8:40 AM
you do too many crossword puzzles. burns going down, sir.

Oct 14, 2007 12:09 PM
WASNT HE IN HIS UNDERWEAR NEARLY THE WHOLE MOVIE!!!!!!? (kick.)

I don’t remember what movie this was about, but some woman sitting behind us said it during the movie, and then kicked one of our seats. We were not pleased.

Nov 13, 2007 1:49 PM
how is day 2 treating you? IM STARVING!

I’m suuuuure this is talking about the Idiot Diet

Nov 13, 2007 2:45 PM
same. I'M RAVENOUS@!

Nov 25, 2007 3:20 PM
our group is the shit! tg is dangerous!!

TG is Thanksgiving. We created a myspace group called the Thanksgiving Day Safety Alliance, or something like that. It all started when we were talking online while I was at my dad’s and he burned himself with hot turkey grease. We just went with it and then created the group….i think we are the only two members.

Nov 25, 2007 10:56 PM
IM SINGIIINNNNG . IM IN A STORE AND IM SIIIIIIINGGGING!

This is a line from the movie, Elf. I remember that we were killing time at Greg’s place one day and kacie decided we should watch a movie. Despite all the similarities in our personalities and taste, we usually had a rough time finding a movie that we both wanted to watch. I very timidly suggested Elf, because I love that movie, but fully expected kacie to shoot it down and call it dumb. But she was so excited! Turned out that she LOVED the movie! She quoted it constantly after that!

Nov 26, 2007 12:26 AM
its on every night. i think i have watched it 3 times since i did with you. Bahbhah

more Elf!

Nov 26, 2007 1:24 AM
that is the only movie to make me behave like a lady.

More Elf!!!

Nov 26, 2007 1:27 AM
and i do mean cry like a hysterical new born

Nov 29, 2007 10:16 AM
a jerk that wants to have dinner with you....

Nov 30, 2007 10:41 AM
jesuschrist hangin off the cross cathrine why did you have to go and tell jesus to suck it goddammit son of a bitch

Kathy Griffin!

Dec 2, 2007 12:14 PM
dont go to yer daddys ...lets go on walk!

Dec 3, 2007 10:11 AM
goddammit i'll never compare to that

Dec 4, 2007 11:37 AM
talk shit.get hit. good philosophy.

In reference to a video I sent her with another hilarious comedian in it.

Dec 5, 2007 4:58 PM
i am so glad im not jewish. i cant even imagine trying to think of 12 gifts!!!! Bahhumbuggg

I had to inform her that Hannukah only has 8 nights.

Dec 10, 2007 11:21 PM
lunch for a week haiku:
flavor it up with
leftover sauce packets from
the Chinese takeout

probably one of my favorite pieces of writing from Kacie. Truly.

Jan 8, 2008 11:56 AM
i dont like winter-mester. :(

This past January I was taking 2 winter classes to try and graduate on time. It meant I didn’t get to see a lot of kacie, a fact which carried over into the spring semester when it started. I obviously regret now not making time more than I can ever express.

Jan 13, 2008 12:15 PM
that baby always cracks me up!! im scared of the boy-sboy

Feb 12, 2008 10:47 PM
get well! i hear a dinner date approaching. . . . oooghagaljbooahh- see! ?

ocean city police

I was at a bar last night watching Kresimir's band play. I met a guy who was a friend of Kresimir's from work. He was wearing a polo shirt that on the chest was embroidered "Ocean City Police, '83, Boardwalk Division" 

I found this very amazing considering that is the year Kacie was born and everything. I asked him where he got the shirt. He said he got it at good will. He said there were 2 of the shirts. He bought both of them. I offered him 10 bucks for the shirt. He said he would be glad to sell the other one to me. Isn't that funny?

photos of kacie in mirror