today...

today was a very long day. vince and i took off work and met up with Larissa later on in the day. We started our morning out at Jimmy's diner in Fells Point. This was a favorite place of Kacie's. The food was cheap and good.
you can see in the window their logo is a anchor.... Kacie loved anything nautical.
 it was an overcast day in fells point, but the temperature was nice, in the 50's.
 a random "k" i walked by in fells point. After Jimmy's we visited Soundgarden (in fells point as well) This was Kacie's favorite music store. Vince bought an Elliott Smith cd, one of Kacie's faves.
we went to river road later that day and the carving still looks great, Jeff!



two little love-water-bugs amidst circles :)

some more artistic shots from river rd.

after river road vince and I made a brief trip to visit mimi and we brought her a coke from McDonald's. Just like Kacie used to do for her. We sat out on the front porch and talked for a while and then she had to go to dinner. She said that Jeff had tried to call her several times today and she kept missing him. If you haven't gotten ahold of her yet Jeff, shes really looking forward to talking to you. 

later we met up with larissa at Friendly's in catonsville for dinner and the famous peanut-butter-cup sundae. We also could not resist but to ask fro crayons and color sheets.
 larissa and i both ordered the "sliders munchie mania" kacie would have been impressed. it came with 2 sliders, cheese and bacon waffle fries with sour cream and the cutest little mozzarella sticks i have ever seen. it was delicious...
vince went for the more modest chicken finger platter :)


and then ofcourse we ended the meal with the famous peanut butter sundae.... and it was just like I remembered. Hope all of you had one too. Wish Kacie was here to share it with us. Sorry they probably don't have Friendly's in Germany ,Jeff.

kacie pics.

Sweet Pea

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for all the beautiful pictures and memories of Kacie. Please do something
fun to remember her by today. She was always laughing and joking around, and she would have wanted that. We planted a yellow daffodil in her honor and will do some other things today that she liked. I will also try to post some random pictures today and throughout the week.

Some of my favorite blogs throughout the year were especially of the trips to Ocean City that you did in her honor, the Volkswagen Thing that jeff posted since she always talked about buying one, the picture of Kacie in her purple hoodie when she first moved to Hilton Head, all the dreams, Bingo night, the daffodils, and I could go on and on. You guys are something special.



Love ya,

Nancy.

Dear Kacie-

I love you

images i haven't posted before... i think?

3/11/09

kacie- we all love you and miss you so much. we are thinking about you. xoxo

i have a full day planned in kacie's honor. i will take some pictures and post them later tonight. hope everyone does something special today.

love, natalie

I took the day off today to remember Kacie today and to reflect on the last year we have had. I really don't know what I could have done if it weren't for this blog. It is nice to read old memories and re-comment on them as if I never read them before.

I really have a hard time dealing with the loss of Kacie. It is kind of like I always have a chip on my shoulder whenever I am talking to people. I work in the military where egotistical maniacs are the norm. It is so funny to see people try to figure me out and wonder why I am not outgoing like them. The truth is, I am thinking, "do these people know what I have been through in my life or in the last year?" This doesn't really apply to specific instances or people but is a general feeling that I have had since Kacie passed away. I don't know if this is a healthy way of thinking but something that goes through my head almost constantly.

I have seen amazing things that make up for a lot of the sad parts of my life but did this really have to happen? I just wish I could have seen her sooner than summer of 07 before I left. She even begged me to visit her in Baltimore right before I left in September 07 but I refused.

Kacie, you deserved a better chance at life. I love you and I'll always remember you.

Love, Jeff

Baby Gus!

http://raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

A friend at work just sent me that link, and after I clicked it, the first thing I thought of was how much I wanted to send it to Kacie.

"the circles"

i was talking with my brother, ricky, today about kacie. ricky came to see kacie when she was in the hospital. Ricky and Kacie always got along really well and would tell jokes with each other for hours. They are probably the two favorite people in my life and I was so happy that I could hang out with both of them at the same time and have a blast.

In any case I was telling Ricky about River Road he got onto the blog and i showed him the river road pics. He then asked me what the story was about the circle. I told him how there was the circle in the water and then the one through the clouds with jeff. he thought that was really amazing.

then later on i was looking at one of the cards we made for kacies memorial service. it has the poem "Love" typed on the back.

I found it really interesting... and thought of the poem a little bit differently.

Love, perhaps more science than romance.

Invisible yet quantifiable matter > the clouds jeff saw

it might evaporate and float away > the clouds again and/or the water in the river

fall elsewhere,

freeze, boil; > the river was frozen around the circle that day at river rd

it could circulate in the blood,

bitter as an infection,

benevolent as a nutrient.

Clear, tangible.

It died. It was born.

Another Sad One

I had this dream several nights ago.

Nancy and I were living in my mother's house on Chanceford Rd. Nancy told me that Kacie had been in a car accident and went to the hospital to bring her home. After a while, I started to worry and started to search for her and Kacie. They never returned to the house and I went throughout the neighborhood asking people if they had seen or heard anything but no one could tell me anything.

idea

I just thought of another idea that you all might be interested in. On the 11th, try and re-read all of the blogs we have written within the last year and re-comment on your fav's. I started to read a couple blog entries that were written right after Natalie started all this and they already started to make me smile. I would like to save the rest for the 11th.

struggling...

Hi Everyone,

how are you all doing? i hope well. I have worked over 70 hours this week finishing up painting the prince of saudi arabia's house. To put it lightly, I am exhausted... both mentally and physically. 

I came on to the blog tonight and I just lost it emotionally. I have felt more disconnected with things lately and while Kacie crosses my mind several times a day or more.... I also still have a numbness to it. Maybe it is acceptance... I am not sure. But then there are the times when it all hits me hard and I can't even believe it has almost been a year.... and that shes gone. I get so scared sometimes... scared about moving on and that I will forget her... when I know I can't possibly ever forget Kacie. It's just so hard not being able to share things with her anymore. It is so hard to not be able to make new memories. 

i am definetly down for going to OC the weekend after March 11th. Do you guys want to stay a night? Or just go for a day?

-Natalie

1 year anniversary approaching...

I wish that we could all come together and do something special for Kacie this March.... but we are too spread out. Maybe we could all do something together somehow... like all planting something that day... anyone else got any other ideas? Amanda and I had been talking about getting together to do something either on River road (she has not been there yet) or going to Ocean City. Everyone else is of course welcome to come. Hopefully, the weather will be nice and maybe we could go to the jetty. Does anyone else have any ideas?

March 11th falls on a Wednesday. We could go to OC the weekend before or after.... since it might be hard to get off work? let me know what you all think. If we go to Ocean City we could get on the live cam with Gary and Nancy like we did last time.

Miss you Kacie!

Kacie Speaks From The Past

This evening I was playing with my cell phone and got into my text message inbox. The following message from Kacie popped up.

Ew this is so sick. i cant eat here. barf

It was sent on 9/08/07 at 4:27 pm.

"Hopper"

I loved how she called rabbits "hoppers." There was a rabbit outside in the snow when I woke up this morning and made me think of that. Didn't she have rabbits growing up? I think I remember her telling me about one named thumper.

Brown Eyes Dream

I had this dream early this morning.

Nancy and I had two young daughters and we were taking a walk with them on a beautiful sunny day. They appeared to be about two and maybe ten. I was looking at them and suddenly realized that they looked exactly as Kacie did at their ages. I then remarked that Kacie had blue eyes and the youngest one corrected me and said that they were brown. Nancy then said "don't you remember how she looked in the hospital? "

ocean city dream

i had a dream last night that i was visiting ocean city. I was at a resturaunt. i was sitting at a table with 3 other people. i dont know who they were. at a table across from me was my boss from work and her family. my boss' family owned the resturaunt. i remember looking out the window and being able to see the ocean. then i ordered an italian soda. which i have never had in real life but kacie always told me she really liked them. 

02/11/09

We miss you sweetheart.

Love always,
Mom and Dad

deep sea creature dreams...

In the past week I have had two separate dreams involving sharks and dolphins. The first dream I had was me "playing" with a shark. Yes, thats right, "playing" with a shark. ... like it was a dog. I was in a tank playing fetch with a shark and then play swimming and it would follow me. I remember seeing the mouth and teeth of the shark vividly.... and it was almost as if the shark was smiling.... it was quite strange. I have been working at this house on Gibson Island painting for the last month or so and the house is right on the bay with amazing views. I had a dream the other night that I was working at this house and the water came right up to the windows. I looked out the window and there were 4 dolphins swimming in the water. I was so tickled. I opened the window and started calling to them making high pitch noises like they do. The dolphins heard me. They pulled there heads out of the water and started calling back to me. We continued to do this for a while. 

I am not sure what the meaning is behind these dreams? Kacie did love the sea... but not sharks.... and she never really mentioned anything about dolphins. Maybe I was supposed to be a marine biologist? 

Chapter 6

Hi, this is Gary.

This is an interesting chapter because we see the two opposing sides clearly defined. The socialists are clearly in the majority as they are now in our country. Henry, Dagny, and Frisco appear to be somewhat adversarial but that will change.

Are people like the three mentioned above really a threat to the welfare of society? Or is socialism a greater threat?

John Galt is identified in this chapter.

Read on. The pace quickens.

Return of the Book Club

Kacie's Book Club is back. Please visit the site for exciting and brilliant summations of each chapter on a weekly basis.

daffodils

Kacie once told me her favorite flower was Daffodils. She had talked about having them as the flowers at her wedding but I think she decided against them because the bright yellow didn't really go with the theme and the bridesmaids dresses. I was thinking about maybe planting some by the rock on River road on the side. I am not exactly the smartest at gardening. I have struggled keeping plants alive all my life. Even cactuses. Is there anyone else out there whom has advice on this? Or would want to help me plant them?

haiku

As a writer, Kacie loved Haiku's. I found this description of what a Haiku is on the internet:
"Haiku is a poetic form and a type of poetry from the Japanese culture. Haiku combines form, content, and language in a meaningful, yet compact form. Haiku poets write about everyday things. Many themes include nature, feelings, or experiences. Usually they use simple words and grammar. The most common form for Haiku is three short lines. The first line usually contains five (5) syllables, the second line seven (7) syllables, and the third line contains five (5) syllables. Haiku doesn't rhyme. A Haiku must "paint" a mental image in the reader's mind. This is the challenge of Haiku - to put the poem's meaning and imagery in the reader's mind in ONLY 17 syllables over just three (3) lines of poetry!"

I remember Kacie and I had found on Craigslist.org (a online classifieds page/ community forum) that they had a discussion forum for every city just on haikus. We were in awe at the haiku's that people were writing in. We tried to sift through some of the cheesy ones and find really funny ones. She was always trying to find humor wherever she could. This is a series of haiku's we found by someone on craigslist a few years ago. Pardon the bad language but they are actually really funny. Kacie and I laughed for hours about these. Both being experts at moving and living in tons of different apartment complexes we too had shared this authors dilemma many times.

Feb 25, 2006

Haiku ..1__
Turn off your fucking alarm clock,
Noisy alarm clock_
Reverberating through the_
Entire building__

Haiku ..2__
Maybe you didn't_
Realize just how loud it_
Actually is__

Haiku ..3__
It sounds like a big_
Fire engine..except, right_
Next to my eardrum__

Haiku ..4__
It's been going off_
This time, for twenty two minutes_
Are you fucking deaf?__

Haiku ..5__
Is it possible _
To buy a softer one? Or,_
turn it off sooner?

Remembering thes Haiku memories with Kacie, I decided to try and write some haiku's myself about different moments I had with Kacie... here goes

Haiku 1

Sharing a mirror
Getting ready to go out
Glazing lips with gloss


Haiku 2

Frying pan sizzling
I sat in the window seat
You wore your sweat pants

Kacie's Dream Trip

Nancy and I will begin today making plans to visit Jeff in Germany this summer. I get a one week vacation beginning July 1 and can use it any time during the remainder of the year.

Tonight, we are going to Barnes and Noble to get a large wall map of Germany and the surrounding countries. Also, we'll get some good travel books. We want to visit places that Kacie told Natalie that she wanted to visit one day.

Jeff will be a seasoned European travelier by then and will be a great tour guide.

Let's do this in Kacie's memory.

Natalie, are you in?

dream about Kacie from Grandma Haydee

Grandma had this dream not too long ago, and i am posting it for her.

Kacie was in a play. Her mother and I were trying to get a good look at her, but there were too many people in front of us. This lady came over and said, Come with me. She took us up the stairs and we could see her real good. She was singing and had on a black skirt and white blouse. We were happy we could see her so well. Then Anne came up and said she's like Annette, likes to be in shows. Then Joyce said that she and Tom had seen the show also (friends of grandma's).

I was so happy for Nancy and I to have been there to see her in my dream. She was about nine years old.
From Grandma.
p.s. I think of her every day. I hope I will see her often in my dreams.

Kacie dream

Had this brief dream about Kacie a few mornings ago, when I was waking up.

I remember I was supposed to meet her somewhere, and ended up meeting her at a restaurant, not sure where. But I saw her sitting there at a table and she was with my Mom laughing and talking. She looked great and seemed very happy. And at the table next to her was Natalie and a friend, not sure who. I remember Natalie's hair being real, real short.

That's it.
Its funny now how it seems everyone is dreaming again. It was brief, but it was great to see her again.

another visit to river road

I went for a visit to River road yesterday. It was probably the coldest day of the year, so far. I had a feeling there might be some ice on the river and I was right. I went to Kacie's rock and as you can see in the picture her initials just pop out before the ice. I thought it made a beautiful picture. In the last picture I am standing farther away. The small rock out on the left hand side is the rock where Kacie's initials are. If you notice in between all the rocks there is a circle in the ice in the water. It seems to have built some kind of barrier and all the water that is flowing down from the river goes into that circle and goes round and round in circular motion. I thought that was interesting because the river was not doing that before in that spot. I don't know if it has to do with the ice or the levels of the river. But it was nice to go visit. I didn't stay too long since it was so freezing but I thought I would share the photos with all of you. 

Love, Natalie

Two Dreams One Night

It's been a long time since I had a dream about Kacie but early this morning I had the following two dreams. Kacie looked just as she did that last night that we saw her.

In the first dream, Nancy and I were in my mother's living room. We were feeling very sad about Kacie's death, and then somehow we were transported back in time to just several days before she died. Kacie walked into the room and I told Nancy that she would soon die but she couldn't accept it. I then told Kacie that she would soon be dying because she had rejected the things that we had taught her and she had accepted the ways of the world -hook, line, and sinker. I told her that she had had too many boyfriends and she seemed to agree with me. Kacie told me that she knew of some girls that I went to high school with and that I had been a bad influence on them. I denied it and asked her to give me their names and she told me that one of them was named Dee Dee Skipper. She then took a cigarette out of her purse, lit it and smoked it in front of us. I then told her that I had found many cigarette butts around my mother's porch and I knew that she was a heavy smoker. She denied this and walked out of the house. I then opened a plastic bag that she had left behind and in it there were three bottles of vitamins that she had just bought. Nancy became very happy because she thought that Kacie was trying to improve her health but I told her that it didn't matter because she would soon die.

In the next dream, Kacie had died and Nancy and I were staying in my mother's house. We were waiting for Nancy's family to arrive and had dinner plans. They arrived early and walked into the bedroom as we were getting dressed. I was greatly annoyed and noticed that one of them was Nancy's father (who had died three months before Kacie) but he had red hair in my dream and brown hair in real life. We then walked into the living room and there were a lot of people seated there. Kacie was there and she was smiling and laughing. Nancy got excited and wanted to run to her but I kept yelling over and over again "she's not real."

Kacie dream

I had a dream with Kacie last night. All I remember is we were hanging out with some friends and Kacie and I were laughing and joking about how bad we used to argue.

"Oh i guess you think you cute then, huh?"

That phrase pretty much says it all. That was Kacie's latest favorite saying. she pretty much said that phrase atleast 20 times a day to different people. She would always say it in a ghetto voice. Kacie had her own language as we mentioned before and all of her friends or people she barely even knew were very quick to jump on board with it. i found myself saying it as much as she did. Since shes been gone I can't think of any times I have said it. I work with a girl named Elisha, who sometimes talks in weird voices and reminds me a little bit of Kacie sometimes. She said something to me in a weird voice today and without even thinking i just automatically replied, "Oh I guess you think you cute then, huh? is that what this is about? just go thinkin you cute and stuff." It seriously didn't even register in my brain I was realizing what i was saying after each word was said. It felt good to say it though and remember funny times with Kacie. Elisha laughed pretty hard when i said it too. This photo Kacie is making a funny facial expression that usually always went along with her voices... which made them even funnier.

"The Way We were"

When I was over Mimi's house on Gary and Nancy's recent trip they allowed me to take some of Mimi's old artwork that use to hang in her house. One of the pictures I took was a picture that use to hang in Mimi's bathroom. It is a line drawing of a interior of a bathroom. it has black and white checkered floor and the medicine cabinet on the wall with striped wallpaper. It is a very cute picture. it has little personal belongings drawn of whomever's bathroom it is. Written at the bottom of the drawing is " The Way We Were" Kacie always loved this piece of art. I remember her saying to me once how she thought the text/title of the piece was so cute. So when I saw this piece of artwork in the pile of stuff they were getting rid of I decided to take it and put it in my bathroom. When I was going to hang it I looked on the back of the piece of art and there is a sticker that says "Famous Ocean Gallery, Boardwalk & 2nd Sts. Ocean City, MD 21842" This is one of Kacie's favorite ocean city landmarks! I was really blown away.
http://www.oceangallery.com/
I will publish a picture of the piece as soon as I can.

The Elephant in the Room

When we lost Kacie, a support group shared some information with us about grief
and also gave us a book of poems about life and what we are going through.
Since Kacie loved poetry so much, I thought I wound share this one with you because it reminded me about Natalie's comment about talking about losing someone close to you. The name of the poem is
The Elephant in the Room
There's an elephant in the room,
Its large and squatting, so its hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with "How are you?" and "I'm fine".
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything else...
Except the elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together,
It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
Oh, please say her name.
Oh, please, say "Kacie" again.
Oh, please, let's talk about the elephant in the room.
For if we talk about her death,
Perhaps we can talk about her life.
Can I say "Kacie" to you and not have you look away.
For if I cannot,
then you are leaving me alone
in a room
with an elephant.

Kacie at Lisbon Elementary

I just found this article online and it includes a picture of Kacie at Lisbon elementary. I can't find the actual picture that is mentions but I will work to obtain a copy. Here is what the article says and it is dated 30 October 1992.

"PHOTO; SOURCE: KIM HAIRSTON/STAFF PHOTO; Kacie New, 9, of Lisbon Elementary School and Mary Lee Acker of Columbia share a moment after Kacie and some of her classmates sang and read poetry at a senior Halloween party held at the Lisbon Volunteer Fire Department."

Here is the link to the Howard Sun archive article : http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/baltsun/access/113519536.html?dids=113519536:113519536&FMT=ABS&FMTS=ABS:FT&date=Oct+30%2C+1992&author=Alan+J.+Craver&pub=The+Sun&desc=%5BHeadline+Missing%5D+Man+enters+plea+agreement+in+racial+incident&pqatl=google

a new year...

I was looking through the past blogs and it has been about a month and a half since I have had a dream with Kacie in it... that I remember atleast. Every night before i go to sleep I think about Kacie and hope that I will have another dream... for some reason it doesn't work quite like that. i wish I could control my dreams like that. I was looking around on wikipedia reading about dreaming and lucid dreaming etc... I came across this...

Dream recall
Dream recall is simply the ability to remember dreams. Good dream recall is often described as the first step towards lucid dreaming. Better recall increases awareness of dreams in general; with limited dream recall, any lucid dreams one has can be forgotten entirely. To improve dream recall, some people keep a dream journal, writing down any dreams remembered the moment one awakes. An audio recorder can also be very helpful.[24] It is important to record the dreams as quickly as possible as there is a strong tendency to forget what one has dreamt.[25] It is suggested that for best recall, the waking dreamer should keep eyes closed while trying to remember the dream, and that one's dream journal be recorded in the present tense.[24] Describing an experience as if still in it can help the writer to recall more accurately the events of their dream.[citation needed] Dream recall can also be improved by staying still after waking up.[25] This may have something to do with REM atonia (the condition of REM sleep in which the motor neurons are not stimulated and thus the body's muscles do not move). If one purposely prevents motor neurons from firing immediately after waking from a dream, recalling said dream becomes easier. Similarly, if the dreamer changes positions in the night, they may be able to recall certain events of their dream by testing different sleeping positions.[citation needed]


Losing Kacie made 2008 the hardest year of my life. I still struggle to accept things and find myself in disbelief at times. I know it has been a really hard year for everyone else too. During this time of year I usually find myself analyzing my life and looking back at things, thinking about things I want to change... I wish I could have done things differently so that Kacie was still here. If there is one thing I have learned this year its that this world is a crazy place. You never know what is coming at you next. I think all of us have underestimated our strength until now as well. And I know that I was not this strong just by myself. I needed all of your guy's help this year.... and everyone else needed everyone too. Grieving sucks... it really does. You have no idea how comforting it can be to come to this website and unload some of my thoughts to all of you whom were very close with Kacie. I struggle talking about Kacie with other people who did not know her well. I feel as if my grieving is a burden on them and that they are tired of me talking about it.... or maybe not that they are tired of it... but I can sense there discomfort and lack of knowing what to say back to me. Sometimes i don't even need anyone to say anything back. I just want someone to listen. Thats why it is great that I can come on here and talk with all of you. It really makes my day when someone posts a new blog thats some funny story... or something i remember too.

Happy New Year. love you guys. keep posting.

threading

Kacie and I discovered eyebrow threading/ waxing some time ago. We always went and saw Daisy at the JCPenney salon in Columbia Mall. She was amazing. She was from India where the threading technique originated. Kacie wouldn't go to anyone else.

work out clothes

does anyone else remember kacie's workout attire? I recently joined a gym and can't help but laugh thinking about the things she use to wear to the gym. She use to always wear capri length sweat pants with brown and orange striped socks or some other socks pulled up with her brown and orange new balances or saucony tennis shoes. She also had a grey pair of tennis shoes i believe she switched to later. 

christmas in china.... well not really.

I remember Kacie and Mimi use to always get Chinese food on Xmas day from a takeout spot near Mimi's house. Sometimes I think they would dine in when Mimi was still driving. I also remember one year Kacie and Jeff took Mimi out to a restaurant downtown somewhere. What was the place, Jeff?

Lip venom

Kacie loved lip gloss. She also thought that her lips were too small so she was always buying lip-plumping lip gloss. She loved lip venom and some other brands. I never really liked the stuff it always made my lips burn but she liked it.

12/11/2008

Kac, Things are just not the same without you.
Love
Mom and Dad

in response to a difficult project

Well.... well... well.... this is quite the task. I am not sure about Kacie's work history prior to moving back to Maryland. However... I can tell you once she moved back...

1. Roots Market  Clarksville, MD

2. Origins Columbia Mall- Kacie and I worked here together and we quit together at the same time too.

3. Riverside Coffee shop- Columbia, MD & Ellicott City, MD

3. Babysitting (haha) Lisa might know exactly where these were. She watched kids for several different families and I remember one of the kids was autistic. Kacie use to tell me some crazy stories about that one.

4. Midevil Times- Arundel Mills Mall

5. Bed Bath and Beyond- She quit this job on the first day.

6. Secret Shopper- Kacie did this job for a while. Going around shopping and then filling out surveys online. It ended up not being really worth it for the pay.

7. In Texas she had a couple different jobs Jeff would know these- Twin Sisters resturaunt? An advertising agency

8. Nordstrom

9. Claratin sales rep

10. Monoprint or monograph I think it was called. This was the job she was suppose to be a project manager and they mislead her. It was the last job she had. 

I am pretty sure there are some more I am forgetting.... I will have to think about this one for a while.

Places she lived.... (after moving back to MD)

1. Chatham Garden Apartments- Ellicott City, MD with Shannon (then Shannon moved to Utah briefly)

2.In between Chatham and MeadowLane she spread her time out living at Mimi's house and Jeff's apartment in Catonsville

3. Meadow Lane Apartments- Catonsville, MD- First lived with me after I moved out Lisa moved in with her

4. Another lapse living with Mimi briefly I think

5. Chatham Garden Apartments again- this time she had the place to herself. They didn't allow pets. After trying to have Margo and them finidng out she had to give Margo to Vince. Then she tried getting a ferrett which they also found out about even though we put tint on all the windows. I believe they told her she had to move out because of her animal problems.

6. perhaps another move in with Mimi

7. Townhouse in Columbia with Larissa and Kathy- correct me if I am wrong Larissa but didnt this only last a couple months??

8. Mount Ridge Apartments- Catonsville, MD- with Larissa "Roomates! Roomates!"

9. San Antonio, Texas

10. My Apartment in Sykesville, MD- Main Street

11. Mimi's again for a few weeks

12. Her own apartment in Sykesville, MD- she was there for about 6 months roughly. I decided to move to the city and so Kacie decided to move too and save some money.

13. Back to Mimi's house. 

I am pretty sure this list is accurate in chronological order... However exact years... I am not sure about all that. If anyone remembers something else or differently please chime in.

A Difficult Project

Nancy and I have been thinking about this one. Let's try to put together a list of all of the places that Kacie has worked, starting with the Coastal Discovery Museum on Hilton Head Island. I hope this website is big enough. And let's do it in chronological order.

And if that isn't difficult enough, let's put together a chronological list of all the places that Kacie has lived!!!!!

Natalie, you're gonna have to be our main resource on this one.

europe

When I graduated college I wanted to go on a trip to Europe for a few weeks with Kacie. We wanted to take the Eurorail and hop around to a bunch of different places. Kacie still had another semester left of school and for other reasons it didn't work out that we got to ever go on our european vacation. I was going through an old notebook of mine from college and I found notes in there on our ideas about the trip. I had written down all the countries that the eurorail went to and Kacie circled all the ones she was interested in and I highlighted the ones I wanted. The places Kacie wanted to go were:

Belgium

France

Germany

Greece

Holland > which she visited with Jeff in his dream

Italy

Luxembourg

Portugal 

Ireland 

Sweden

The little Black... Hoodie

This was Kacie's signature piece in her wardrobe collection. She always had a few different ones to wear. She would always talk about I need to get a new hoodie. A fresh black hoodie.

Ocean City Visit

Today I visited Kacie in Ocean City. The weather was decent. It was about 54 outside and there was no rain like the previous day. When I got there, the first thing I did was engrave Kacie's initials into the rock she was standing in the OC pic Natalie took of her. The jetty was really cold because it was windy and there was water splashing all over me, getting me drenched. I tried to get her initials done as soon as possible because it was getting pretty dangerous to be out there. After I did that, I just spent sometime standing on the rocks a little further back and facing south towards some clouds above. I had been thinking about what my visit was going to be like and imagining that I would talk to her for a little while. When I was standing there, I didn't really know what to say. Maybe because it feels kind of funny talking and not knowing if someone is listening. I eventually just said "I just want to know that your'e happy." Immediately when I said that, a perfect hole broke in the cloud and the sun shined directly on my face and making my entire body warmer. I snapped a couple pictures so I could remember that incredible moment. I don't know if it meant anything but I like to think it did. What are the odds?

After that, I decided to go buy some flowers and spread them out over the different places we spread her ashes. I also walked the boardwalk a little as well.

Anyways, the pictures (and video) are below including the one with the sun shining through the clouds. Enjoy...

Recurring Dream

I've had the same dream several times in the last month.

In my dream, I take a drink of wine and suddenly recall that I vowed that I would never drink alcohol again in Kacie's memory. It really bothers my conscience and I start to feel sick and wake up.

It's been two months since I've had a drink and I have no desire to.

Rock Photos

It was so great to see everyone today! I'm glad that we could all share the River Road walk and add a new place to the list of "Kacie Spots."

i miss you everyday.

i really do. I love you so much. You will never be replaced. ever.

Another dream

I had a really strange dream the other night. Most of my dreams are pretty weird. I guess they suit me. Anyway, I remember the dream starting with Kacie and I flying in a small Cessna plane that I was flying. We flew all the way overseas to the Netherlands. Kacie and I were walking around some mall type place and I remember Kacie and I eating lunch somewhere with some older man I don't know. Then the whole dream just went south from there. I don't know if Kacie and I had split up to go shopping there or what but all I remember is panicking that I had lost her. I was circling around the shopping center looking for her and then I woke up for work.

a wonderful dream.

Early this morning I had an amazing Kacie dream. It was soooo real. I was meeting Kacie in a hotel lobby for some reason. I remember walking in and immediatley hugging her and not letting go. This has been a repeated thing in my last couple dreams with Kacie. I was hugging her and she was just acting very casual. She told me she liked my haircut. And she acted like she didn't know why I wouldn't stop hugging her. We talked about some other things. I dont remember what but I remember her voice sounding exactly like Kacie's. It was incredible. Then we stopped hugging and were sitting down at a table about to order lunch. We were sitting with an older gentleman (who I think was supposed to be a man I work with in real life). Kacie was making fun of him and called him Mr. Rodgers in her sarcastic tone. I started to laugh and then I woke up. It made me really upset when I woke up because I tried to imagine her voice again in my head. I really really miss you Kacie. I wish you visited me in my dreams every night. 

gobble gobble

remember the turkey kacie won at martin's? i am pretty sure when she moved to mimi's from sykesville she brought it with her. either that or she abandoned it in the sykesville apt fridge. 

11/11/08

We miss you Kacie.

Love,
Mom and Dad

The DVD Recorder

I had this short dream last night. I was holding a small electrical device and Kacie, appearing as an adult, told me that it recorded dvds. She then showed me how to connect a vhs player to it to get a recording and I woke up.

Two Dreams In One Night

Two nights ago, I dreamed that I walked into a beautiful white room. There was a bed in the middle of it and Kacie was sitting on the bed. She looked around six years old. The room was beautifully furnished with shelving on the wall holding all sorts of colorful items. For some reason I started singing some sort of silly song that a young child might sing. I had never heard this song before and made it up as I went along. I then started walking toward the door and noticed a piece of paper hung on the wall. Written on it were the lyrics to the song that I had just sung.

Later in the night, I dreamed that Kacie and I were standing at the top of the huge concrete dam at Liberty Reservoir. She was again about six years old. I made a long cast with my fishing rod into the lake below and hooked a huge fish. It jumped once and I lost it.

cat power/ david bowie

As all of you may know Cat Power was one of Kacie's favorite bands. Has anyone seen the new Lincoln car commercial? It is Cat Power aka Chan Marshall doing a cover of "Space Oddity" by David Bowie. Kacie also loved a lot of David Bowie's music as well. Whenever I listen to Cat Power I think of Kacie. She was the one who introduced me to it and took me to a concert of hers at the 9:30 club in Washington D.C. Larissa was there as well.

Check out this link if you want to see the commercial:

http://stereogum.com/archives/commercial-appeal/cat-power-covers-david-bowie-to-sell-cars_018661.html

I am sorry if I am repeating this.. I write so much on the blog and talk to people... so I am not sure. Kacie loved the song "Sea of Love" by Cat Power. (Check out the video above to hear the song. I don't know who made this video. It is not cat powere just some dork on the internet. But I posted it so you could hear the song) She wanted this song to be her wedding first dance song. But ended up picking "Our Love is here to Stay" by Ella Fitzgerald. Here are the lyrics to Sea of Love:

Come with me

My Love

To the sea

The sea of Love

I want to tell you

how much

I love you

Do you remember

When we met

That's the day

I knew you were my pet

I wanna tell you

how much

I love you

mascara

This was Kacie's favorite mascara. It was a two step mascara that she loved to layer and layer on. I think you all are probably familiar with the face Kacie made while putting on make up. I remember Vince and I making fun of her for that face. Vince if you get a chance you should post the picture of her putting on makeup.