Sunday, March 1, 2009

struggling...

Hi Everyone,
how are you all doing? i hope well. I have worked over 70 hours this week finishing up painting the prince of saudi arabia's house. To put it lightly, I am exhausted... both mentally and physically. 
I came on to the blog tonight and I just lost it emotionally. I have felt more disconnected with things lately and while Kacie crosses my mind several times a day or more.... I also still have a numbness to it. Maybe it is acceptance... I am not sure. But then there are the times when it all hits me hard and I can't even believe it has almost been a year.... and that shes gone. I get so scared sometimes... scared about moving on and that I will forget her... when I know I can't possibly ever forget Kacie. It's just so hard not being able to share things with her anymore. It is so hard to not be able to make new memories. 
i am definetly down for going to OC the weekend after March 11th. Do you guys want to stay a night? Or just go for a day?
-Natalie

6 comments:

amanda said...

It will be really nice to spend some time with you guys and share memories again.
It's easier for me to stay the night since it's farther away. I bet we could find something pretty cheap this time of year. Let me know what you all think.

Rissy said...

it turns out i was wrong when i thought i was free that weekend. Depending on when you guys leave though, maybe i could see you for a bit...let me know when you finalize your plans :)

Jeff said...

Natalie, I feel the same type of emotions you are going through. There are still little memories about her but I feel like I am quickly running out of things to talk about. One thing I did remember yesterday is her love for pretzel flips. When she lived in Texas, she would make me search all around different stores to make sure I found some.

I try to socialize with new people here which I think is the right thing to do but I always think about her no matter what I do. I really miss her a lot and the 11th is going to be hard. I hope I can keep it together that day because I have some important training I have to do that day. I should have taken the day off but it is too late now.

Gary New said...

Please post as many O.C. pictures as possible. Can we make arrangements so that we can see you all on the live cam where Kacie's ashes are scattered?

Natalie said...

wish u could come rissy. how about the 11th? wanna do something? is it possible to get off work?

Gary,
It will be Amanda and I in OC we probably will stay at the Dunes Manor rates are pretty low with it being off season. We will definetly arrange another time to wave to you one the boardwalk camera. We haven't made our plans in stone yet but I am thinking probably sunday morning the 15th would be a good time to meet on the camera.

Rissy said...

I doubt I can get off work, but I can try :( hopefully I can at least get off early. I would love to do something Natalie...maybe go to one of Kacie's favorite restaurants for dinner?