Kacie painting

I told Gary that I would post a picture of the painting that Kacie painted for me. I think she gave it to me when we were both living in Baltimore, maybe 2003? She might have given this to me when we were in SC but I am not sure. The painting sits on top of the nice credenza table that Kacie won at Natalie's work party along with some other framed Kacie pics.

Recordings

We have about six of Kacie's messages on our land phone along with a message from Jeff in Iraq telling us that he was on his way to the hospital. I like to hear Kacie's voice so I listen to them on a regular basis in her room. I plan to eventually have the messages put on a cd. One of them is from 6:22 pm on her last night of consciousness. She was obviously very intoxicated that early in the evening.

Last night, I dreamed that I was listening to these recordings and Nancy was in the room with me. Kacie began to talk with me over the phone and I told Nancy what was happening and she was very excited but wouldn't come near the phone. Kacie and I talked for a while and she seemed very happy but then I asked her if she had a job and she stopped talking. There was silence for a while and then I asked her how she planned to make money and I lost the connection.

yoga with Kacie and Wai Lana

back in the days of VHS.... Kacie and I use to do Wai Lana Yoga. It was a VHS tape I got at Barnes and Noble or soemthing a long time ago. We would put the tape on and Wai Lana would kick our butts with some yoga. The tape was over an hour long and at some point we would always end up hysterically laughing because of some really strange position we would have to do that required us facing each other and we wouldn't be able to stop laughing. Wai Lana is from Hawaii and her voice almost sounds like a cartoon so we would always make fun of her too. In any case, I lost the tape a long time ago when I gave away my VCR. Today I was at the Good Will thirft store by my house. I found a few pieces of clothes and was at the register paying. Then behind the register and they had a whole stack of DVD'S and there was an unopened Wai Lana DVD. I had to buy it. I haven't popped it in yet but I am sure it is going to kick my butt again. 

a few more pictures

I wanted to post the other side of the camera shots from River Road. Also, a photo of a crazy sandwich Larissa ate at the Cheesecake Factory!

awful :(

I had an awful kacie dream today when I took a nap. It was very short, but very intense...and unfortunately, very upsetting.

Basically, all that happened was that I opened a door...i think it was the front door of a house and I was inside...and the person on the other side of the door was Kacie, and when i saw her I just started screaming, because i knew she shouldn't be there. and she was so confused and just kept saying "rissy, what's wrong?" but I just kept screaming.

:(

Dunkin Donuts cup

This morning I woke up late and ran to D n D before work. I'd been sitting at my desk for a few minutes and looked at my cup. It made me smile because it made me think of all the lip gloss stained cups in Kacie's car. Hope it makes you guys smile too.

sunday, march 15th

 amanda came to baltimore. it was kind of a rainy day :( we went to river road and snapped some photos. Larissa was the photographer.

The Same Old Dream

In Kacie's memory, I haven't had a drink of any type of alcoholic beverage in about six months. As I said before, alcohol contributed to Kacie's death and if I had known that she had had a problem I would have helped her to quit cold turkey and never drink again. I'm just doing what I would have wanted of her.

In the last couple of months, I keep having the same old dream. I'm with friends and someone gives me a beer or a glass of wine and I take a sip but suddenly realize that I made a promise to myself and Kacie. I get a terrible nausiated feeling in my stomach and feelings of guilt that cause me to wake up.

And The Winner Is........

We can't keep you all in suspense any longer.

Our new boat will be called Sweetpea. The name will appear on each side of the boat with a ship's wheel next to it.

Boating around Hilton Head Island will never be the same.

Medieval Times

I am finally posting this photo that I found in my things. Natalie, if you want it, I can mail it to you.

The date on the bottom that is cut out of the pic is September 15, 2005.

Name The Boat Contest

Beebs and I bought a little boat with a big motor. We should get delivery within the next week.

We have a problem. What should we name it? I'd like to have the name painted on both sides and we want a name that will give us a happy memory of Kacie.

Possibilites so far are- Sweetpea, O.C., Stinkpot, and K&J. Any suggestions? Maybe the name of a favorite food, place, or person?

Thanks

I just want to thank everyone for visiting her favorite spots and doing her favorite things. The pictures were great and I especially enjoyed the initials in the rock and the river scene. That will always be a destination for me when I visit Baltimore. Hopefully, the initials on the jetty are as well preserved.

My Favorite Blog

I reviewed all of the blogs on Kacie's website to pick my favorite-one that really gives the best idea of what Kacie was all about and the winner is-

Natalie's "In Response To A Difficult Project"

The many jobs that she had and the places that she lived said it all.

Thanks

Dear Jeff, Natalie, Vincent, Larissa, Amanda,

Thank you, thank you, thank you
for the beautiful flowers you sent us. We received
them yesterday afternoon. The rose bouquet and yellow daffodil bouquet were just beautiful. It really means more than you will ever know.

It sounds like all of you had such a great day yesterday. We got to talk to Jeff. We loved seeing all the pictures. You guys didnt miss a spot that she loved. Kacie would have been so proud. We ended up having dinner at Delvechios an italian restaurant here that kacie loved. We had the little garlic rolls that she always ordered and gary had the grilled vegetable salad that she liked. We even sat in the same booth. There's no Friendly's here, so i had a peanut butter cup sundae at Cold Cremery here.

It was a difficult day but somehow it helped doing the things she loved and of course hearing from you guys and how you spent your day. You also brightened Mimi's day, she loved seeing you and she told me about the soda. THANKS!!

today...

today was a very long day. vince and i took off work and met up with Larissa later on in the day. We started our morning out at Jimmy's diner in Fells Point. This was a favorite place of Kacie's. The food was cheap and good.
you can see in the window their logo is a anchor.... Kacie loved anything nautical.
 it was an overcast day in fells point, but the temperature was nice, in the 50's.
 a random "k" i walked by in fells point. After Jimmy's we visited Soundgarden (in fells point as well) This was Kacie's favorite music store. Vince bought an Elliott Smith cd, one of Kacie's faves.
we went to river road later that day and the carving still looks great, Jeff!



two little love-water-bugs amidst circles :)

some more artistic shots from river rd.

after river road vince and I made a brief trip to visit mimi and we brought her a coke from McDonald's. Just like Kacie used to do for her. We sat out on the front porch and talked for a while and then she had to go to dinner. She said that Jeff had tried to call her several times today and she kept missing him. If you haven't gotten ahold of her yet Jeff, shes really looking forward to talking to you. 

later we met up with larissa at Friendly's in catonsville for dinner and the famous peanut-butter-cup sundae. We also could not resist but to ask fro crayons and color sheets.
 larissa and i both ordered the "sliders munchie mania" kacie would have been impressed. it came with 2 sliders, cheese and bacon waffle fries with sour cream and the cutest little mozzarella sticks i have ever seen. it was delicious...
vince went for the more modest chicken finger platter :)


and then ofcourse we ended the meal with the famous peanut butter sundae.... and it was just like I remembered. Hope all of you had one too. Wish Kacie was here to share it with us. Sorry they probably don't have Friendly's in Germany ,Jeff.

kacie pics.

Sweet Pea

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for all the beautiful pictures and memories of Kacie. Please do something
fun to remember her by today. She was always laughing and joking around, and she would have wanted that. We planted a yellow daffodil in her honor and will do some other things today that she liked. I will also try to post some random pictures today and throughout the week.

Some of my favorite blogs throughout the year were especially of the trips to Ocean City that you did in her honor, the Volkswagen Thing that jeff posted since she always talked about buying one, the picture of Kacie in her purple hoodie when she first moved to Hilton Head, all the dreams, Bingo night, the daffodils, and I could go on and on. You guys are something special.



Love ya,

Nancy.

Dear Kacie-

I love you

images i haven't posted before... i think?

3/11/09

kacie- we all love you and miss you so much. we are thinking about you. xoxo

i have a full day planned in kacie's honor. i will take some pictures and post them later tonight. hope everyone does something special today.

love, natalie

I took the day off today to remember Kacie today and to reflect on the last year we have had. I really don't know what I could have done if it weren't for this blog. It is nice to read old memories and re-comment on them as if I never read them before.

I really have a hard time dealing with the loss of Kacie. It is kind of like I always have a chip on my shoulder whenever I am talking to people. I work in the military where egotistical maniacs are the norm. It is so funny to see people try to figure me out and wonder why I am not outgoing like them. The truth is, I am thinking, "do these people know what I have been through in my life or in the last year?" This doesn't really apply to specific instances or people but is a general feeling that I have had since Kacie passed away. I don't know if this is a healthy way of thinking but something that goes through my head almost constantly.

I have seen amazing things that make up for a lot of the sad parts of my life but did this really have to happen? I just wish I could have seen her sooner than summer of 07 before I left. She even begged me to visit her in Baltimore right before I left in September 07 but I refused.

Kacie, you deserved a better chance at life. I love you and I'll always remember you.

Love, Jeff

Baby Gus!

http://raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

A friend at work just sent me that link, and after I clicked it, the first thing I thought of was how much I wanted to send it to Kacie.

"the circles"

i was talking with my brother, ricky, today about kacie. ricky came to see kacie when she was in the hospital. Ricky and Kacie always got along really well and would tell jokes with each other for hours. They are probably the two favorite people in my life and I was so happy that I could hang out with both of them at the same time and have a blast.

In any case I was telling Ricky about River Road he got onto the blog and i showed him the river road pics. He then asked me what the story was about the circle. I told him how there was the circle in the water and then the one through the clouds with jeff. he thought that was really amazing.

then later on i was looking at one of the cards we made for kacies memorial service. it has the poem "Love" typed on the back.

I found it really interesting... and thought of the poem a little bit differently.

Love, perhaps more science than romance.

Invisible yet quantifiable matter > the clouds jeff saw

it might evaporate and float away > the clouds again and/or the water in the river

fall elsewhere,

freeze, boil; > the river was frozen around the circle that day at river rd

it could circulate in the blood,

bitter as an infection,

benevolent as a nutrient.

Clear, tangible.

It died. It was born.

Another Sad One

I had this dream several nights ago.

Nancy and I were living in my mother's house on Chanceford Rd. Nancy told me that Kacie had been in a car accident and went to the hospital to bring her home. After a while, I started to worry and started to search for her and Kacie. They never returned to the house and I went throughout the neighborhood asking people if they had seen or heard anything but no one could tell me anything.

idea

I just thought of another idea that you all might be interested in. On the 11th, try and re-read all of the blogs we have written within the last year and re-comment on your fav's. I started to read a couple blog entries that were written right after Natalie started all this and they already started to make me smile. I would like to save the rest for the 11th.

struggling...

Hi Everyone,

how are you all doing? i hope well. I have worked over 70 hours this week finishing up painting the prince of saudi arabia's house. To put it lightly, I am exhausted... both mentally and physically. 

I came on to the blog tonight and I just lost it emotionally. I have felt more disconnected with things lately and while Kacie crosses my mind several times a day or more.... I also still have a numbness to it. Maybe it is acceptance... I am not sure. But then there are the times when it all hits me hard and I can't even believe it has almost been a year.... and that shes gone. I get so scared sometimes... scared about moving on and that I will forget her... when I know I can't possibly ever forget Kacie. It's just so hard not being able to share things with her anymore. It is so hard to not be able to make new memories. 

i am definetly down for going to OC the weekend after March 11th. Do you guys want to stay a night? Or just go for a day?

-Natalie

1 year anniversary approaching...

I wish that we could all come together and do something special for Kacie this March.... but we are too spread out. Maybe we could all do something together somehow... like all planting something that day... anyone else got any other ideas? Amanda and I had been talking about getting together to do something either on River road (she has not been there yet) or going to Ocean City. Everyone else is of course welcome to come. Hopefully, the weather will be nice and maybe we could go to the jetty. Does anyone else have any ideas?

March 11th falls on a Wednesday. We could go to OC the weekend before or after.... since it might be hard to get off work? let me know what you all think. If we go to Ocean City we could get on the live cam with Gary and Nancy like we did last time.

Miss you Kacie!

Kacie Speaks From The Past

This evening I was playing with my cell phone and got into my text message inbox. The following message from Kacie popped up.

Ew this is so sick. i cant eat here. barf

It was sent on 9/08/07 at 4:27 pm.

"Hopper"

I loved how she called rabbits "hoppers." There was a rabbit outside in the snow when I woke up this morning and made me think of that. Didn't she have rabbits growing up? I think I remember her telling me about one named thumper.

Brown Eyes Dream

I had this dream early this morning.

Nancy and I had two young daughters and we were taking a walk with them on a beautiful sunny day. They appeared to be about two and maybe ten. I was looking at them and suddenly realized that they looked exactly as Kacie did at their ages. I then remarked that Kacie had blue eyes and the youngest one corrected me and said that they were brown. Nancy then said "don't you remember how she looked in the hospital? "

ocean city dream

i had a dream last night that i was visiting ocean city. I was at a resturaunt. i was sitting at a table with 3 other people. i dont know who they were. at a table across from me was my boss from work and her family. my boss' family owned the resturaunt. i remember looking out the window and being able to see the ocean. then i ordered an italian soda. which i have never had in real life but kacie always told me she really liked them. 

02/11/09

We miss you sweetheart.

Love always,
Mom and Dad

deep sea creature dreams...

In the past week I have had two separate dreams involving sharks and dolphins. The first dream I had was me "playing" with a shark. Yes, thats right, "playing" with a shark. ... like it was a dog. I was in a tank playing fetch with a shark and then play swimming and it would follow me. I remember seeing the mouth and teeth of the shark vividly.... and it was almost as if the shark was smiling.... it was quite strange. I have been working at this house on Gibson Island painting for the last month or so and the house is right on the bay with amazing views. I had a dream the other night that I was working at this house and the water came right up to the windows. I looked out the window and there were 4 dolphins swimming in the water. I was so tickled. I opened the window and started calling to them making high pitch noises like they do. The dolphins heard me. They pulled there heads out of the water and started calling back to me. We continued to do this for a while. 

I am not sure what the meaning is behind these dreams? Kacie did love the sea... but not sharks.... and she never really mentioned anything about dolphins. Maybe I was supposed to be a marine biologist? 

Chapter 6

Hi, this is Gary.

This is an interesting chapter because we see the two opposing sides clearly defined. The socialists are clearly in the majority as they are now in our country. Henry, Dagny, and Frisco appear to be somewhat adversarial but that will change.

Are people like the three mentioned above really a threat to the welfare of society? Or is socialism a greater threat?

John Galt is identified in this chapter.

Read on. The pace quickens.

Return of the Book Club

Kacie's Book Club is back. Please visit the site for exciting and brilliant summations of each chapter on a weekly basis.